life now...

continue as an entry today..
just injured my knee, super big patch of it scraped off.. yucks.. looks super disgusting, with blood still on the wound, or rather flesh.. wad happen was when i was chasing after the bus after training.. it just rained and the floor was kinda wet.. so slipped while running and scraped the skin off.. yucks.. dunno if i will still be able to train, sigh.. and when will get well.. so that i can move around more..
anw, pray for my spiritual walk... really disapointed with myself for being so unfaithful.. help Lord! wad is happening?! sigh..



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ok.. yesterday was tiring, esp the workout that ram gave.. whoo.. but i think i totally messed it up, and ran lousy timings.. think i need lots of stamina back.. i thought that my mind was also not set wholly on the Lord.. and wasn't really running for his glory and honor.. sigh.. but I prayed and He helped me for the last set, i suppose..

sigh.. my spiritual walk totally messed up now.. i live a life wondering if i am ever right with the Lord.. u see, i was totally fired up before and was so passionate about quiet time, even during sch life i seek to please the Lord in everything i do... but now, i live indeed a guilty life-- guilty of a displeasing life, lived for the Lord.. i always pray for Him to forgive me and that i should get right with Him, but i don't seem to trust that I am right with Him.. i always, always fall back.. sigh.. help! help! the Lord has been merciful even in this time.. He answers desperation prayers, and i find i seem to pray to Him(often) only when i need Him.. He has been merciful, and gracious and loving and caring.. but I have not been faithful.. i guess this was something i have been always always bothered about.. which really pains me at times and make me feel like a loser.. hope that june camp can be a time of great revival and for my path to be set right again with Him... and to be totally "consumed" in His love for us... i think i have experienced that before, but now... hai~ i think my path now is the path to destruction, or prob as the book pilgrim's progress mentioned, the land of depair.. HELP!

anw, yesterday's rehearsal was enjoyable. even when i was on the verge of falling asleep.. but I enjoyed the singing.. i noe that the Lord would make us sound good and nice if we really sing it for Him and the words of the song come from the bottom of our hearts.. and not sing just for the sake of singinig.. really admired those who got married and as i looked at bro mingyong and sis weifang, i wonder if i will be standing there someday? duh, but the person next to me is still unknown! hahas.. but i still trust the Lord to work, and His plan to be working and the bestest for me... anw, pray that their wedding would be a pleasant one for them and to be a memorable one in their life... and that God would be pleased and well glorified... thank God for letting me take part, ya.. argh, now i don't know what gift to buy becoz my sis is sharing with yixiang to buy the gift for the couple.. i'm alone and really puzzled about what they would want..

sigh, i am always alone.. God is with me though... anw, end here le.. tc