burdens
Saturday, July 24
I dun want to despair nor be depressed. I really dun want. I always have an optimistic view over everything that the Lord wills to happem. But somehow, my soul is like put behind the bars, desperately seeking for freedom and rest but it never comes. The Lord seems to pour down His wrath onto me.. I know that His wrath is far greater than whatever I am going through. I know that these are trials to make me stronger in Him and help me grow towards more of becoming like Him. However, this week, the trials and testings seems to flood my way. It never seems to cease. Just when I recieve victory over a trial, another appears my life is turned upside down again. Instead of strengthening my faith, the trials seems to weaken me. My faith and patience is running out. However, there is still this feeling that God is still watching over me in whatever I am doing. He is ready to come down and deliver me from everything, but He is waiting to see how much longer I can last. I am at a low-point of my spirituality. I still LOVE God, I still trust in Him, I still seek Him with all my heart. However, my life seems to be in a complete mess. I dun want to give up now. I will trust Him no matter what. BUt I fear that I would break down some time. And the higher I climb, I believe the harder my fall will be. I appear totally fine on the outside. BUt within my, an intense battle rages. The devil is tempting me to give up hope. But I will not! I still hope in Him I still trust in Him to deliver. Just that I am holding on to this faith that was built upon thru many trials and hoping the Lord will give me rest soon. I am perservering and enduring my pain. No one knows what is going through in my, except my Father. I really dun want my this tread that is firmly holding me to God to snap when it has reached its peak. I am weary. Does the Lord really know how much I can bear? I believe He does and He promised He never will let me bear something that He knows I can't do. So I believe that I still have the ability to endure until the Lord finally gives me rest. Yupp, things to pray about: Race on Wednesday, VJC application, Letter to Mr Ram, future training.
I really dunno what I can do. These trials seems endless. Just when I thought I could enjoy a good spiritual rest, the Lord tests me again. Burdens again are heaped upon me. Troubles and worries flood my mind. When will the Lord give me the rest? I believe He knows when it is the best time.
I am now phyiscally, emotionally, mentally and spiritually drained now. Sigh. Pray that the Lord would grant deliverance when it is time.
