Walking as a godly Christian.

How to start ah? Hmm, let me see.. Ok, I am going to be very very transparent and frank in my entry. Lots of inward thoughts and questions about living as a godly Christian.. I shall begin:

Well, many thoughts flew through my mind when Darr questioned some of my actions. I would not blame him for telling me those things straight at my face, but I would rather thank him for telling me all those. I thanked God for telling me what He wanted to tell me. haha.. Its getting abit complicated here.Well, its not actually. In plain, there are many things which I have not attained or achieved in my Christian walk.

Some questions really struck me down so hard. I knew that while listening, I need to be humble and accept whatever edification in humility. I need not justify my actions, rather to accept a brother's admonishment.

Firstly. Well, my first blog I created was rarely visit. Hmm, ya. But there was something in it which was different from what this blog is-- Transparent. Well, when Darrell questioned me, this came into my mind, "What is a transparent Christian living?". I guess it means that we should not hold back whatever does not prove to be a good testimony for ourselves, but rather bring it out and try to change it in whatever ways. It shouldn't always be the good things that surface out, the unpleasant stuff should also, hoping that a brethren or sister should pass by and edify and encourage. So the question is whether my life is transparent enough for my brothers and sisters to see through. Or is what you know, what you should know about me? Living as a transparent Christian is very difficult. I must be ready to accept any admonishment everytime. Sometimes its just hard to share the bad part of you la. So I will be praying about it, hope that ppl will also pray for me, and trying as much as possible to reveal things which are hidden and need to be changed. That means to be more transparent to everyone, preferably on the blog because I dunno how to confront a brother or sister to share about my problems. So just hope that ppl do not be judgmental, but read my entries with a heart that wants to admonish in love if needed. I guess ppl won't always be reading the good side of my life. Actually there aren't a lot of "dark secrets", if you should call that, but it just that I shouldn't be keep showing the pleasant side of myself. That leads to my next point of thinking.. -->

2. Hypocrisy. In a Christian life. Well, being transparent really helps this part too. This problem is not really a very big factor in my life. But it sometimes happen that the "face" is important.. I think it roots down to being very true to yourself, your friends, and most importantly, your God. There is quite a fine line between a good testimony and being a hypocrite. And I am sometimes guilty of that. Sometimes we just want to leave a good impression of us, as Christians and then try to be something we are just not! When I attended Sunday school one week back, the problem we learnt about the first churches was hypocrisy. Well, at that time I didn't think it matters a lot because I thought I was hardly guilty of it. Well, we fall into it without knowing. That's scary. Thankfully I get a pull back up from the pit from Darrell. It is the "face" factor. Trying to look good to people and doing somethings, infront of people that you wouldn't do yourself. As Jesus said that when you pray go to a place alone and talk to God but do not stand up and pray to let everyone see. I definitely do my quiet time, devotions, prayer everyday. I love God. I seek Him. I am obsessed with HIm. Even though I didn't really do what I don't do infront of people, when I am alone, I still try to be somewhat "perfect" and "holy" infront of people. At least a little. I will be praying abt it. I mean it really roots down to being true to everyone including God. If, I believe we truly are seeking God and growing in Him, we do not have to try, using physical methods to show others. "Let your light so shine before man that they may see it and glorify your Father in heaven.." The word is "they", they may see it, not I show it to them or something like that. So if we are holy and godly, the light in us will show out naturally to everyone. They will feel blessed because of it. I do not wish to justify myself in this area. I was guilty of it. And I am now willing to change and I believe God will forgive, so do not be judgmental k? Takes alot of courage to bring this out actually. Thank God for making me truthful giving me the courage to bring this out. I think wainity comes in here also. That was one topic I was going to talk about. Well, I decided to put it here. Trying to look decent is different from trying to look good and impress people. Hmm, Looking decent is to show a good testimony, looking Good is to impress people There are areas which I have to improve on. Things that I have not been willing to surrender. Well, I need alot of prayers. Thanks.

Thirdly: Compromising. This is the part where really I face alot alot of trouble to apprehend and understand. The line between doing right and wrong is as thin as a paper. Either way, we might fall. This is the part where people start questioning and have lots of confusion. Even the adults. This is the part where conflict comes in! This is the part.. Why do we have to have this part at all?!? When it causes so much so much trouble? Examples of compromising in my life: I am coming to church lying to my parents that I am at school. Do you see the contradicting statement in it? Church cannot go with lying. Darrell told me, even a speck of sin cannot be godly or holy in God's eyes. He is toooo Holy to seee it. Can I really justify myself coming to church when I lie? Will I be able to live a godly life if I lie. It is sin. And no matter what good you do, it is sin! And when I do it so often, it somehow becomes numb to me. It does convict me anymore, there is no longer guilt in me, just because I am justifying it be saying that I am going to church!!! Yes. This question will really bother me alot. And many people are not able to solve it. Well, I will bring it to God who is the keeper of all knowledge to seek guidance. Do pray. I thought that if I ask my parents and they do not allow me to go for the church activity, then let it be the will of the Lord. If He wills that I go for the church activity, He will do everything, and He can do everything to allow me to go right? He can touch even the hardest hearts on earth, because all are His creation. I really hesitate when I think of that. Because if really I can't go for a event which I really really want to go, I will be very depressed. But I still have to know that it is not my will, but His be done right? So I think it might be a solution to the problem. Still need His guidance though. It is already a blessing that my father should allow us to go for Sunday service. Thank God already. Must be contented. Hmmm, yes! I must be. Compromising on the standard is also a problem. I thought that it was ok to watch a movie showing a cartoon. I watched Sherk 2. But I refused to watch any other movies other den cartoons of children type. Is this also a compromising of standards? Is there really a diffrence? I really dunno what's up with watching movie. But the problem is, I believe if there is a confusion and doubt on whether to watch, I will not do it! Thats why I never liked watching movie. But when I watched Sherk, I thought I was cleared conscience watching. Because there was nothing wrong and nothing bad about the movie itself. But that is called justification. Well, I should not justify my actions. From now on, I will commit myself not to watch any movie, be it a G rated or whatever. Flee from the doubts that I have. Yupp, I do not wish to be having double standards. I believe because of this commitment, I will not be "disqualified" to stop a brother from going to the movies. With my tesimony, I will be able to make a stand for Him. Yes, thank God for this commitment.

I've been reading a book called IN HIS STEPS. I tell you, it is a super super powerful book.I can't get the thought of how our community or even country will be like if everyone was to commit ourselves never to do anything unless we asked the question, "What would Jesus do?" and with our knowledge from the spirit about what Christ would do, follow it regardless of the result and the weight of bearing the cross. This is something I hope that our church, our fellow Christians would be committed to. I want desperately to be committed to this, but "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.." I just cant bring myself to do it. I have been praying alot abt it. But as the day progress, the thought of it fades away. And nothing is done. Pray for me that I would start to ask "What would Jesus Do?" before everything I do and I would follow it no matter the results.

I believe that these are problems which I am struggling with and must be solved before I reach out and be a blessing to other ppl. Pls pray. And hope that the commitments I make will be followed closely. Edify or admonish me whenever you feel that I need it. How can I be a blessing to others if there are areas in my life which hasn't been change? I should be able to, if I am living a life godly and pleasing to Him, reflecting His light and self in my life. With that I can be a blessing naturally to people. I want to lead this godly life for Christ. I want to make a stand for Christ no matter what the consequences are. I want to be using my true testimony and be a blessing to everyone around me. I want to reach out to everyone who needs help if within my ability. I want to start preaching the gospel to everyone around me, even knowing the persecusions I might suffer. I want, to walk in the Lord's steps. Knowing what He would do if He was me and follow in it, no matter what the results may lead to.

What would Jesus do after reading this entry? Think. Do you want to commit yourselves to Hiim now? Never doing anything without asking what our Lord if He was us, would do?

Think.
Think.
Think.
Think. Hard.
Think. Hard. Pray for guidance.

Thanks for reading.

Ps:Whatever I said was 100% true, and not leaving anything hidden in me.