Spiritual Maturity, hmm...
Sunday, August 15
heyaz all again.
its me back bloggin again.
well, seriously, i have been burdened with quite alot of things lately. messed up with my r/s with some ppl.. haven't been in an ideal relationship with God, vjc application, science and maths test.. wahh, its quite a heavy load fer me.. but i am bearing it not as i did before. this time, the load was something i long prepared to bear. God prepared me.. well, i have been living quite a comfortable life and i definitely wished i could continue to live as i did, but well, i think i shouldn't. imagine i've prayed for a life more testings and tougher, so that i may be refined and become more like Him, but i think the Lord prepared me before i am ready to be tried.
one burden that i have suffered, ever since i decided to have a personal r/s with God, is to know that i am not focused on Him. well, i am so easily distracted.. one moment i can be so passionate, another moment i lose focus so easily. one verse that david always mentioned which can help me i believe is to bring our body into submission, becoming under our control and the Lord's control. this i feel is what i lacked. my flesh gains freedom everytime i lose focus. bring it under our control.. hmm. well, i had problems praying too. sometimes i get mind blocks and sometimes what i feel like and want to say dun seem to come out of my "mind" i know that sounds weird but i dunno how to describe wad i feel but its just a feeling where my thoughts are unfocused and not organized and i wonder how the Lord accepts it. i've been struggling with the Lord. one song that can really describe what i felt was " I Will Not Let Thee Go : I will not let thee go, until you bless me. I wrestle with my Lord, until the break of dawn. I will not be content without a victory. Until the battle's won, I simply can't go on. Though my soul's in great "travail" i noe i must prevail with Thee.. Until the answer comes to me, I will not let Thee Go.. " Indeed, I wont let go until I get a firm answer from my God. I know I sound demanding. Argh, i dunno. but i am always reassured by Him la. Ok, so I was stuggling with this. I spent my afternoon before youth meeting spenting time hearing His Word in the sermons, and praying even on the bus. I reached church, saw those familiar faces. haha. I understood my weakness liao. I decided to learn to be meek and humble instead of (u noe the things that i always do). I prayed with God for meekness, for the moving of the spirit, for peace. Well, i was meditating on the lyrics of some songs then I felt the Spirit's moving in my heart. I was touched by this song, "Worthy of Praise". i wanted to sing this song actually argh, but couldnt find the song no. "My heart overflows, with praise to the Lord. I will lift up my voice to the King. He brought me out of the pit of despair and taught my heart to sing..." IT was wad i felt. It really touched me at that moment. i was almost like crying inside me. well, thank God for the moving of His spirit and giving the peace that was promised. Well, we had a sharing from David, on Spiritual Maturity. we had a good discussion, definitely. I've learnt alot through it, studying myself and from other group's presentation. yupp, thank God for an opportunity to speak and thank God for His guidance, and boldness in coming foward to speak. well, i have definitely learnt alot about how these testings, trials and afflictions actually is meant evil by Satan but the Lord meant it for our God, to refine us and develop the Christ-like character-- our ultimate purpose. surprisingly i was focused throughout the whole meeting and thank God for that. encouraged me alot. when i first arrived, i was really encouraged by daniel because he was there praying while others were having fun chatting. not that we can't have the fellowship but i felt that we should be like him, praying with God before we worship him an learn about Him. to invite the spirit into our midst. Well, I must definitely learn to do that. =)
after the meeting i went to little india for a dinner treated by my coach mr ram. it was indian food. the food was nothing special. quite tasteless.the people i was with wasnt exactly the people i long to be with. no offence but that was the "unbelieving" ppl. but i thank God for the food though. and after all, we had fun crapping. do lame stuff. playing stupid games.. doing gross stuff like mixing pepsi with beef cubes etc.. haha,.. then we had voting in our captain and stuff. den mr ram came to talk to us for very very long about many things, the past year training, future training. and loyalty?!?! discipline. well he was persuading me not to leave. really i feel quite bad to leave and let my team crumble. but if the Lord really leads that way, i will trust that all things will work for good.. and that I have a cleared conscience before God...
anw, i think i gtg liao.. tml or rather today still go church.. hee.. tata..
ps: olymipics is soo cool man.. start liao.. yeah!
