the first week of school

hey guys,

well, the first week of school has been tremendously busy and found no time for any leisure activities. it was purely work work work. and more will come much more for the next 2 weeks before the examinations.

i was tempted to blog. after so long, couldnt find time but i believe not i finally did. the week has past and my weekends should be more to revision too, but a lil more time for leisure. sat have cip from 11am to 9pm. gonna be soo tired mann. sunday have church anniversary. my dad's leaving for china today evenining. hopefully i am able to seek for permission this sunday for the church anniversary. but it still has to be the Lord's will if i should go. shouldnt go against him.

many things i want to bring up. but maybe not so publically. as in it really isnt nice. but i believe david has posted a very edifying and enlightening entry on the words that proceed out of our mouth, the words we use. go and read, read with a soft heart and not to justify your wrong deeds. compelled to use words like, "damn", "freaking", "darn", etc. go look up his blog at mrdavidtan.blogspot.com .

its tough to live a godly life. as in in many ways. its tough and difficult to maintain a live that is godly and pleasing to the Lord, yes. it is also hard to live it out and not be judge by people. well, i have struggled, almost every single day to get closer to the Lord. many morning i wake up with a heart full of guilt for not being able to pray the night before due to tiredness and wasting time and energy away on worldly things. i struggle, in school to be pleasing to God in all my actions, thoughts and words. i struggle to even keep my focus on Him every second of my life. i struggle to put Him in the center of my life. i struggle to keep up with my quiet time. i struggle to study hard for him. i have so many struggles, just alone to seek to be closer to Him. i look back now, and i marvel at how much God has done to my life. though every day i struggle with the same problems. i feel God working in me and changing me. however someone has comment that because of me trying too hard to follow His laws, i had forsaken love. well, i cant justify myself and say that i am a loving enough person. i do find myself sometimes hard to love back, be it business or anything. but i can say that because of Him working in my life, love does flow out to some people naturally. its tough to explain but it is just i dun find myself in a position where i become a cold-blooded, unloving person. but rather, as i grow closer to my Lord, i somehow feel that loving isnt about trying anymore or doing it specially for someone. it comes out naturally and it overflows from the love that God has given me. that is what i feel. people has said that i had become like a pharisee, someone who keeps all God's commandments but do not love God and people. but i feel that i am not. i love God more than i ever did and i love people. its only the way i express it. however, given the business and tight schedule i am to struggle with, its hard. not to justify anything but really it is difficult. aiyah, how can i tell people that i love the people. hehhs. they have to feel it lah. but perhaphs some people dont feel it because they expect another kind of love? i dunno. its so difficult to express how i feel. its just that i believe and trust that i am walking with my Lord and loving Him as much as i can, hence, i trust that love for my brothers and sisters will not be lacking. i genuiningly love my God as much as i can, therefor i can confidently say that His love shall overflow unto other people's life. aiya, its so difficult to address this issue. i've repeated it over and over again. but its true. nah, think i'll forget it. but if you still dun trust it, den talk to me personally. nah, dun wanna express my thoughts through a public webpage.

has my blog really been "not me" ? well, from the bottom of my heart, i can say that all that i penned down are the feelings within me. and it is said not looking down at people and thinking highly of myself but to edify in love. i remember how i started my blog that time. when i remind myself that the purpose of the public blog is to edify. it is not to be a stumbling block for others. someone use to tell me, becareful what you blog. remember to edify edify edify! thats the main purpose and sole purpose of a christian's blog. blogs do stumble people you know. well, i cannot say that my blog is perfectly edifying. but thats what i keep in mind as i blog. but when sometimes i do not, i know it and really it happens to turn out that there will be telling me that something is not right with that entry and why and stuff, supporting with the bible. and i learn yea. hmm, perhaphs some people and not very comfortable with the way i express myself. but to be myself when i blog, is how i blog now lorh. unless you want me to be not myself to please and suit you in the way i should blog. hehhs. thats like ironic.

oh well, my thoughts arent really organised yet when i blog so there arent ideally easy to read and understand. this entry may be a bit confusing and difficult to comphrehend but nevermind. if you dont understand then nevermind lor. dun be bothered by this entry. cause these stuff are vvery specific problem that i find myself in.

nevermind, i also abit confused le go read david's blog i think it is more enriching and edifying. yea..

a verse i found interesting: