my God is a righteous God !

guess why i say that? because He is ! haha fine fine, i'll explain..

ok so today started off soo badly and i simply wasnt ready for it. my dad was in a super bad mood, i dunno why but he just was and he started to pick out every single detail everything that he notice me and my sister didnt do rightly. and he chose to really "scrutinize" every single detail. firstly he scolded my sis, i forgot about what. i think my sis wanted to go out but he disallowed and there was kinda like an argument. but i tried to keep low and stay out of it. i was just using the computer. well, unfortunately, his temper still didnt go out even after finish reprimanding my sister. he went on and called me out to him. so i went out obediently. oh no, its me next. i've explained that i've been wasting my hols away and iknow it isnt right. well, i promised to read english and chinese books and magazines at the start of the week. but because i spent most of the time on the comp and the only book he sees me reading is my bible and some other christian book, he reprimanded me for not obeying him and read other language books. oh well, i was wrong in this sense. but the next thing he did frustrated me alot. he asked me to bring out my bible and the other two book i had been reading, more precious than gold and no more excuse. sigh. i was really stunned. he wanted to confiscate them. argh. gr... i was like my books? what next? sigh. i am already too sian to further argue with him. i didnt feel like talking at all. so i sat there quietly. and he went on to tell me that he didnt allow me to go to vjc. wad! he said i didnt provide a good reason why i should go. i believe he is very bias against vjc because he believes chinese high gives me a better future. oh well. but it was true. i didnt have any good reason to tell him and i was too sian to even justify my point and bring it up again. so i just sat there quietly. he said silent means consent and he closed the case. well i am not really disturbed by that. because i know God has everything under control. maybe this is His will for me, prob He wants me to further my ministry in chs. maybe i dunno but im gonna need lotsa strength to stay on. well i was clearly angry with my dad. no doubt about that. but i was thinkin whether to show it. well at then i left and went to think whether i should take it spiritually or should i just be angry. well i could choose to to continue being angry and all. but i could choose to be faithful thru trials and learn that in whatsoever state i am to be contented and rejoice always. believe thats what i choose to be. i couldnt afford to leave God outta the picture. He is in control. we went out for lunch after that. though i had forgiven Him, i didnt want to show it. so i didnt talk to him or what. i just kept quiet. well i was hoping that by doing this, he will realise that using force isnt the only way to solve all problems, and scolding doesnt always work. well i was thinking if he had been a spiritual man, it wouldnt be worldly wisdom he's imparting but edification. oh well but he's not even so, i have to honor Him and do right. hmm. so anw, after lunch i went to toa payoh stadium for training. during the journey, however i was very depressed. i really understood wad does "wrestle with the Lord" means. look, i was there asking God why does he have to put so much pressure on me. why does he has to restrict me one after another.i am only a child ! first the church, second my bible and spiritual books. why? why cant i serve my God like any other christian family. why cant my family be saved. then i was reminded prob by the Lord the story of John Vaughn, more precious than gold, how his family was put thru a trial so much worst than mine. and how he didnt choose to complain and say "why me?" he didnt but he was so faithful and so strong. then it made me realised that whatever restrictions the Lord puts on me is to strengthen me day by day. it is to trial and to test me. and when i am tried and purifired, i shall come forth as gold ! and the prayer i always pray, "make my life count for you Lord" is beginning to take its place. my life is going to be used by God someday i dunno how. for John it is through that trial that God has put him through and if he has been faithful God will use this testimony to witness and save. the life of his family was such a powerful testimony to the people around him, even everywhere and so many got saved. thats when he's prayer "make my life count for you Lord" is realised by God. i dunno how mine is going to. but if i cant even take this pressure, this restrictions that God has put there for a purpose, what more can i do for the Lord. and i believe if being faithful now even after so much trial so much pressure and restriction, i can still walk closely with the Lord. i believe this testimony will have an impact on my parents even to others. so i have to be faithful thru every test. yupp. pray fer me ! it was a stuggle. that many times i want to give up but God has been merciful and righteous. he will not give me a burden i am not able to bear. but with every temptation provide a way of escape and sustain me through it. and for when i am tried and purified, I shall come forth as gold !

my sister let me read a part of the book she is reading. i think she read my blog yesterday and learnt about my thoughts towards the creation of the world. hmm that book was erm very like erm dunno how to say. but its similar to the da vinci code. sigh. its wad angels and demons something like that. well it says something like how this guy wants to find some way to link science to God, to prove that matter can be formed through nothing. and to prove right the theory of the big bang and God's creation. well i personally feel that it is impossible. the book says that this man feel that God use the big bang to create the world or something like that. notice that big bang theory originated from catholics. and this guy found a way to create matter through nothing using the big bang theory. and he created something called antimatter. wahaha. super funny. but its hard to think how the human mind thinks so far away and strays from the Lord because of the fruit adam ate from the tree of knowledge. well the book says that everything begins with energy and God begins with it too. i think thats wad it meant. well, i can prove this point wrong because God is love ! and energy dun possese love, nor and of the characteristic that God has ! and thats why He is who He is ! the alpha and the omega, beginning and the end. the omnipotent, omnipresence, God and there is nothing beyond Him ! He created us by saying, let there be ... and there was. He created us through His word and with His power. haha. ok, so i was early before training and i went to the library ! wow! amazing the library. haha i borrowed four thick and heavy books. i told the Lord that i was going to learn how to defend the faith and asked Him for wisdom and knowledge for it. well if i were to use human knowledge, it would sway to the evolutionist side, and if i used the knowledge God grants then i know that God would bless the work. well, i thought that being a theologent wouldnt be much a bad idea. haha. and i would be up there debating with the scientist, astronomers, philosopers, evolutionist the beginning of the world. wow ! haha. but this debate will end when our Lord comes again. haha the shocking faces will appear and everything they have done for their lives, trying to prove God wrong would be nothing, reduced to nothing. when God comes, they will be speechless. i really pity them. but for now, i am all out to study and defend my faith. meanwhile when my God has not come down yet. i borrowed 3 books on the debate between science and religion, christianity about the beginning and all. then one book on why people reject our faith. haha. analyse and point out their mistakes. well i'm going to embark on this research and hopefully i will come up with ways to defend our faith and by the grace of God, pple will learn that only He is God ! haha =) i am so excited. but i worried that sometime later i would drop this project. i am so halfhearted. pray fer me as i work on this research on my sundays esp and other days.

okok on a lighter note, thank God that today i mange to resist the stongest temptation to go to church. there were ppl studying at church and i am like under no one's observation or wad. i could have gone. but thankfully i didnt. and i am happy that i didnt. =) pray fer further determination to do right!

ok, ve gotta go. take care and tatas.

ps: anyone care to do the project with me? haha.. joking.