through purging more fruit i will bear !
Saturday, September 4
hi all ! well i've truly experience the Lord working in my life and its pretty tough for me well let me relate everything to u.
ok, i just realised that when you start to grow and take the Lord seriously in ur life the Lord purges whatever that is unclean and harmful to us and sanctifies us. however it definitely is never going to be nice nor comfortable. it is painful. and i've experienced it. well remember the time when i told u all about my year 2 camp and how i got punished and scolded for lying. and i've committed myself never never to lie again after that. well after sometime i forgotten what i've promised God and i told God that if i were to break that promise to never lie again. He must punish me. no, He cannot let me go just like that. i wont want it to go just like that either. well, not long after that i begin to forget what i've promised and became ignorant of the sin of lying again. lying as u can see is just a small lil sin which always goes unnotice. because sometimes ppl justifies it as a white lie or a lie that is for good. hence it is not looked as equalled to a sin like murder or theft. i've just realised that a sin is a sin. there isnt the degree of "sinfulness" to a sin. a sin committed reaps death (but God has forgiven us) even though its just a lie it is still a sin punishable by death. and if i were to grow and mature in the Lord this habit of mine, even compromising in that sense cannot be left out and remain in me. either "it" stays or the Lord stays. u either get rid of any sin and "clear the cowshed" or God will just be standing at the door not wanting to come into our lives. and since i've committed myself to His Lordship, this has to come. "... through purging more fruit i will bear..." the Lord purges and "prunes" us to mould us into His likeness. and though it never is nice, always painful but it reaps more fruit in the end and we become more like Christ !
well i've really gotta take everything positively and rejoice in God for the testings and trials that i am put through. because i have two ways to go, either take the Lord's way or i become rebellious and turn against God. really must thank paul and john vaughn for being a living testimony and encouragement as i receive these trials. they have proved to be faithful men, trusting God in whatever He provides and rejoicing being content with what God gave and in turn this glorified God. yes ! thats wad i will do !
ok lets start with yesterday. hmm i dunno why i suddenly became very "mang zhang" and wasnt a very good example. probably i was tired. yes i was tired but i regretted myself being so cold and unloving to my family. hai~ its complicated. anw, thats not wad i want to talk about. i just remembered that i had maths re-test the next day when i was on my bed about to sleep. and i didnt study anything lo. so i decided not to risk it and take the test. then i messaged my friend, lying, saying i am not feeling well. that marks the beginning of a "lying jouney". i didnt think it was anything since it has becomed very numb to me. unless someone finds me out i would never take notice of such a lie. so thats the first lie i made.
the next day i woke up and it was a bit rush for me. because i had bible study in church with darrell they all at 1030. i didn't dare to ask my dad for permission to go for bible study and i really had to go because i was sharing that day. so i just said i needed to go for my maths retest. the moment these words came out of my mouth i knew something was going to happen. well at least this thought of not lying came to my mind but i wanted so badly (my will) to go for the bible study that i had to lie to get out. i didnt trust God enough and i didnt sought after His will so thats not very nice. however i brushed the thought of telling the truth aside because i was fearful that i might not be able to leave the house. once i left house i prayed for forgiveness immediately. i told God that if He wanted to punish me then He should and He must. i dun doubt Him. i had to get right with the Lord i cant live without Him. i believe at that time He had forgiven me. i was preparing for the sharing later on on the bus. well there came to a point when i was reading through, when there was a point that says that if you do not obey Christ you might as well open your eyes get up from kneeling and go out for a walk. then i found out that i had left my handphone at home ! thats very very unusual for me to forget about my handphone.i knew the Lord was at work. well in the phone was a message about today's bible study and the message i sent about skipping my maths retest. wow ! the Lord indeed works wonders. i knew that He was going to give me out. i once again remembered that lying doesnt pay. i knew my parents would find out wan. it had happened to me in my sec 2 camp. and i didnt heed the lesson learnt. now it comes again and it definitely wasnt surprising. i believe God wanted to make this lesson LOUD and CLEAR to me that LYING DOESNT PAY ! and that He cannot tolerate compromising and sin of lying in my life. that I realised that He would want me to learn the lesson and I was prepared to take whatever punishment coming my way and know that God was in control. and i would trust in God for wadeva comes. no matter wad, i would thank God for leading me back to Him. thank the Lord ! He works wonders and this was one way i saw and experience Him at work. He gave me out for a good purpose and i thank Him ! at that time i once again prayed for forgiveness.
well so we had bible study at church on the topic of "no more half-stepping" that is to give our full commitment to Christ. and not love the world and love Christ at the same time. well i can only say that many minds were distracted easily. that wasnt a powerful bible study session with the Spirit moving. the focus and concentration clearly wasnt on God enough. everyone was just, distracted la. and many were looking foward rather to the fun later on. we were meeting sandra at heartland mall because she invited us to her house for some buffet. because her grandma just recovered from ilness and she has kindly invited fm over for lunch too. thanks sandra ! =) we took a ride from pastor. and we walked around at heartland mall before proceeding to her house. because darrell thinks that there would be alot ppl if we go straight. rite, waste time only. =p the food was good la. and saw many church people. haha. i really enjoy these christian gathering. a pity i dun have the chance man. if only i was borne into a christian family. but its really no point complaing. i should rather thank God that He has gave me my dad to work on. yes ! this christian fellowship can wait, till next time i have my own family. and these gatherings where christian brothers and sisters come together will be come. ok so david came with all the creative products mp3 players esp. sigh 10gb of mp3 player selling for 99 bucks ! argh i should have got it lo. i was so exasperated that i didnt manage to get one. anw i was suppose to have a race at 4pm at mac ritchie. well, to tell u the truth i didnt feel like going at all. i hate races and the pressure it gives me. either i went home or i followed the gang with basketball. i messaged my friend to tell my coach that i had church activity. sigh. i know i know. it wasnt right la. i lied again. third lie. (btw now i listening to a song called "stretching the truth" from patch the pirates album" stretching the truth is a dangerous thing.. it sures to brings you lots of grief and shame... the Lord dishonors with a double tongue.. sigh yalo indeed) ok so i felt guilty after that too. i was actually undeciding whether to tell or not to tell. but i stil gave in at last. so we played basketball. instead of going home. thats where i am suppose to go if i dun go for race right? but i didnt. isnt that the fourth lie. u see, when i said it was the lying journey it really was. one lie reaps the second and the second follows the with the third. yes we played basketball at a nearby basketball court. it all was forgotten until darrell recieved a call from my home. i knew my parents had found out. it has to be. darrell didnt pick up and my mom called david to call me to call her. haha. best. well, i prayed before i called. she asked whether i went for maths retest i said i did. oh man! lying again? she immediately shocked me when she said werent you suppose to be sick? she found out the message i send to my friend. then i had to tell her everything lo. about me playing basketball now. i immediately left for home. i prayed throughout the journey. i knew there was going to be punishment. well i took it very positively. i know that wadeva was going to happen. the Lord was in control. and He is going to use my parents to teach me what He wanted me to learn. and i knew this lesson was going to be driven into my life "never to lie" and it had to be hard. though i was praying for God to punish me, i need Him to be merciful too. i dunno i just needed to be prepared for the punishment that i would have to face. i though wad can be worst than not going to church? isnt that the most impt thing in my life? i was wrong !
so when i reached home all was quiet and no one asked me anything. after bath i came out for dinner. only after the dinner then my dad opened His mouth and asked where i was today. i knew i could lie any more. i had to tell the truth. thats to show that i've learnt my mistake and ready to accept punishment.so of course he reprimanded me for lying and asked me to give my explanation. well he wanted to implicate others like darrell and i was super shock that he was going to implicate ppl. i didnt thing it would happen. i was to bear all the shame and punishment alone and i didnt want anyone to be implicated because of my sin. no. i wont want.and i believe my tesitmony was seriously dented. he was there saying how can u as a christian lie? and somemore lie to go to church activity. the trust they had in me was lost and my testimony was badly dented. i was punished in this way. well i was there thinking how can God be in control of this when my dad would say so much bad stuff about my faith. but later i found out that because God knew that this was very important to me He wanted to warn me of how my testimony would be damaged if i was to sin. He could find me out so easily too. this had to come hard and this way. i was really worried and depressed because i had just damaged my testimony and lost the trust they have in me. how was i going to win everything back. i was really depressed and sad. i justified by saying that why people always only look at the bad things the minoritt christians do and judge while the many good things done in secret goes unnotice, and we christians get blamed for not doing right but seldom do ppl see what good we had done. i was complaining. but i realised later that being a christian, there is alot alot of responsibility. everyone is watching ! everyone. watching very closely. they are ready to strike at any point which is not right in our live. just as the pharasies were looking out closely for Jesus to make any mistake. they are waiting to jump on our mistakes. so we though have a heavy responsibility, we must be faithful till the end and never give up ! i am glad that i have such a responsibility to bear for Christ. however i need the Lord's help duh. everyone is looking and scrutinizing at our mistakes. but we must not give in to them. though we fall we shall stand up again and prove ourselves to be filled with Christ love and witness through our testimony. also, my dad said that i had to spent 2 to 3 hours daily during my holidays to do that something that i will never want to do before. hai~ so much to do, so much to bear. i was really quite taken aback at the amount of work poured upon me. but i had the Lord to bear my burden. thank Him for being always here for me !
well some lesson learnt today. and i thank God for taking the time to "prune" me and sanctify me. indeed i now really understood the meaning of "through purging more fruit i will bear". the Lord purges us of our sins as we go along our christian walk. when we take Him seriously and submit to His Lordship, He takes us up and sanctifies us. extinguishing every taper and sin that we are unwilling to give up. and after He has done it all, we shall come forth as GOLD !
