Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding

Well. I'm back! Errr.. I truly thank God that today wasn't so bad, in fact it was quite good. I think what Daniel mentioned was very true. I do not have to be perfect and holy to be close to God, but God wants to aid me and guide me along this path in school. I never excluded God in my vocation of studies. In fact, He is the reason I am studying hard, and He is the center of my studies. I think the pressure and stress that set into my mind the first two days was simply because I was trying to hard to depend on my own strength and I really can never be able to complete all that is required of me with my own strength. And it was really an "attempt" to keep myself right with God. In a sense that I'm trying hard to not to sin against God, instead of trusting Him to lead. But I'm very conscious of the fact whether what I do pleases God. And while trying so hard, with my own finite strength, I simply cant do it and cant help but worry. I think a verse that can really aid me and encourage me is Proverbs 3:5-6:



I had been leaning too much on my finite understanding and have forgotten the fact that God is there for me, victory is there for me to claim upon! God's promise of directing our path comes with just doing a simply and easy task, "in all your ways acknowledge Him". I think I have to learn to give God control and acknowledge Him in my ways, be it in studies or running or whatever, and God promises me that He will direct my path.

I thank God that He has not allowed me to remain defeated for one more day. I went back to Him and restored my soul that night, and the following morning. Now I really have to trust God to lead in my days in school. Dreadful lessons that I have to go through, not with my own strength but by God's strength. I dread english lessons. In fact, I dread any lessons that require me, or am compelled to voice out comments, to do presentation, simply putting it. TO open my mouth. I am such an introvert and really, speaking is really not my forte. BUt I was thinking why God put this english teacher, who came from 7yrs of teaching GP at VJC, who really demands alot from us, in my life. He has a high expectation of us, in our knowledge of current affairs, our vocabulary has to be all those cheem cheem words, and even to do well in impromtu speeches about current affairs that lasts for one minute. I dread the last one. I simply do not dare to do it. Even my chinese special programme, Bicultural Studies require us to be good in speaking out even in chinese. Why? I am so fearful. I really have to trust and pray that God will help me. Or maybe, maybe God wants to use them all to change me? Imagine me not being able to spread His word confidently and boldly. How am I gonna serve full-time in future? If I do not even have the ability to speak forth His word? I really pray that through all this, God can change me to become a more vocal and expressive person with my words.

Now to talk about prayer. I've been so tired and worn out physically that made me become worn out spiritually. SIgh. Its really difficult. The schedule is so super packed and tight. ITs not even cannot find time to pray and all. I have only about 1hr - in the morning for my quiet time. I really cant find enough time to pray finish everything. And I always thought that I could pray on bus, while travelling. But I realised that I was terribly wrong. School, only 3 days past, and not even started work yet has already worned me out to the point that I cannot concentrate because of fatigue in my prayers. I seem to have lost power in my prayers because I cant seem to remember what I just talked to God like 10secs before. Then I will be stuck at a pt trying hard to remember what I just prayed, so that I can continue from there. So you see, this weariness has worn me out to this pt and Im really struggling. ITs really this time, when school start that we begin to understand why our quiet time in the morning is the more looked foward and eagerly anticipated time of the day. The whole day can be filled with so much activity and no time can be spared easily. I really really start to appreciate the time I have with GOd in the morning. Simply leaving all the world aside and seek God in His word, and prayer. And the pt that I cant concentrate in prayer really really caused great discomfort within me. I dunno how I am going to overcome this problem. Pray really for physical strength too! And to continue meditating on Isa 40:31.

The road ahead is long, weary, tiring, painful, dreadful. But we have to press on! Let us then put on God's full armour, take up the sword of the Spirit, which is also the Word of God, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, the wasitbelt of truth and with prayer as our mighty weapon, let us march on us victorious soldiers and do not fear the battle that is ahead!

We shall not fear the battle, if Thou art by our side..