13.04.2005

Psalms 18:30a " As for God, His way is perfect"

Job 23:10 "But he knoweth the way that I take; when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold"

Indeed, as for my God, His way is perfect. "O God, Thou art my King, who am I to question Thy way? He knoweth the way that I take! "

National X-Country 2005 is gone, as quickly as it came. Indeed, how time flies, and I soon find myself standing at the starting line waiting for the race to begin. "The runners all stand ready, the crowd is looking on. The starting gun is sounded, and the race has now begun. Beginning seem so easy, but soon I feel the pain. Then I hear a voice from heaven above, and its calling out my name! 'Be faithful Christian, and run the race. Keep looking upward, and seek My face. Keep pressing on, endure the struggle now, for I will give to you a victor's crown.'" This song rang in my head as I stood there, waiting for the sound of the horn to start the race. "This is IT," I told myself.

On 13.04.2005, I guess the morning has been spent in a rather relaxed way, with frequent but short panick attacks, for no particular reason. But thank God for bringing my mp3 player back to me, and "Trust in the Lord" from Think on These Things has really calmed me down and pacified me. I think I didnt have a good meal that day, I ate during recess at 10 and couldnt fill myself at noon, even though I didnt have energy for the race, I just couldnt force myself into eating. So, I had to be contented with running feeling rather weak. But since the nationals drew near, I ran almost always feeling weak even though I am still full. Guess, its a sign for burning out, after such low mileage but high intensity training. We spent 4 to 5 hours in the library, resting, doing homework, listening to music. Before we were briefed by coach about the schedule for the race, what time to report, stretch, go toilet, everything. However, the bus came late and set us 20 mins behind time, and upon reaching Turf City, we found ourselves lost from the group and this caused us to be 35 mins behind schedule. I think this has caused a little anxiety within us, but nonetheless, we did our stretching rather quietly, and all was tensed around us. I guess I realised soon enough I was in exactly my top form to run because I was really feeling "weak", as in no energy. But many things I realised God has taken out of the way, that I ought to thank Him for. I think God has kept me from injuries, and definitely kept me from what I dread most- a bad flu, even though I was still suffering from a little flu that stayed with me the whole week before. Not long, we reported to the reporting venue. Saw our "long-missed" competitors. VS, ACS(I), many other schools. Heh, the people incharge joked that HCI and VS have to go for urine test. Ohwells, what a time for this kind of joke. But I felt calm and pretty relaxed, spent the time praying and asking the Lord to bless. And while we were there, C Division boys came back, with VS top runner, Minghui leading at least 500m from the second guy, I am not sure, but His timing was faster than the top guy from B Division- 15:39. And VS was definitely glad to see their runners coming back so soon. Our 1st runner only came back 6? The second, 8. OHwell, but I didnt think that really affected us. Soon we were led to the start line.

Lotsa jumping, short runs, moving our limbs to keep them warmed up. Handshakes, cheers for teams can be heard and seen. ACS(I) who were standing beside us had a guy who went by their teammates praying for them. Quite nice, I thought. I think my weakness at this point, was belittle-ing other opponents, and I knew God had to humble me.

The starting gun is sounded, and the race has now begun. Everyone rushed up to the front, leaving me kinda struggling to stay balanced and trying to move forward too. But I maintained pace, but even at the 200 m mark, I didnt feel energize to go foward. I was shocked by the number of people who were infront of me, at least 20 to 30 people. Of course I couldnt be worried at this time, but I simply followed before seeing many past me by, dropping out from the leading pack. I think after the first kilometer, if I had knew, the race was never going to be fine for me. Because I while following, I didnt realised that I went at least 15 secs faster than my target pace. The 2km was a struggle up and down the hill, before entering the long stretch of road and pressing on. I think from 2km onwards, the whole race was enduring already, no longer did I find any strength to push foward, but its just maintaining my pace, while seeing others from the front pack dropping out. It was a die-die run. I looked foward and I see at least 3 VS runners, 3 ACS(I) runners in the leading pack, with one VS runner running beside me, and ACS(I) fourth runner behind me. I was quite demoralised at that point. But I knew I had to press on, even though I felt so much like giving up, if not our team will not even be in the top 4. It was a terrible run, the worst of all to be exact. 5 times I felt so bad and wanted to stop, but something just kept me going, and whats more, pushing harder, even though the pace was relatively slower than my target. It was after the 2.5km, an enduring run, at least for me; whoever could take most pain would stay on, whoever couldnt, would drop back. I just pushed and pushed even though my mind kept prompting me to give up. It was an exact opposite. The last 500 m, I didnt feel that I was in control of my legs, it just moved and moved as though it was continuing from the momentum before, and I struggled pretty hard for it, fearing that others might catch up. Then came the last 30ms when I was so unaware of anything that I slipped, or stop before the finishing line, leaving 3 others to over take me at near the 15m marks. Goodness.

I couldnt think of anything after crossing the line, my mind was in a whirl, the gidiness was overwhelming me. I couldnt notice anything that was around me. It was just I and everything spinning. I thought I was about to blackout. I struggled to move out of the ending area, after constantly being prompted to. I really felt so terrible, and I could hardly breathe or feel my heart beating. After seating down for a while, I noticed my hands, feets, turning pale. My body turned cold and I just couldnt stand up. Oh yah and people were there trying to talk to me, but I was so giddy that whatever others said I could hardly remember. I almost felt I was going to faint. It was that terrible la. Even tho I didnt do my PB timing, even tho it was slow, but it was the most terrible run for whatever reason. I sat there at least for 30 mins, I just kept praying that God will help me. The pain was unbearable.

Well, I guessed its all over. Thats all for my "memorable" nationals 2005. "Humble yourself before the mighty hand of God, and He will lift you up." This was the verse that kept ringing through my mind as I was seating there. It was a depressing day for HCI, I guess. With my coach calling it the worst year fo his 5 years there. C Division coming in 3rd, B coming in 2nd, A girls and boys coming in 4th. Whats more, Jeff coming in 15th. Ohwells, VS claiming both the championship trophy and title, and they were indirectly trying to spite us when they kept coming close to us while cheering and when we were taking a photo, they moved themselves behind us and their flag into the picture. I dunno why schools had so much rivarly between each other that they will act this way. OHwells. But something to be glad about, Kaiming came in 1st for B division, however his timing still 4 secs short of VS C div champ Minghui. And my sister got 7th! Top ACJC girl runner, surprisingly.

All in all, lessons learnt, and I have soon got over it, trustin the Lord and learning to be contented with His will. Couldnt bring myself to cry though. But I guess its time to study hard now, to do the many things that I never had time to do, as well as giving myself to training as often as I could for next year's race. Have to thank God for seeing my through this race, giving me endurance. God has been good, and it is probably not entirely mistakes made in the race, despite starting with a pace-too-fast, and the "weak" feeling, but I think I have to make it a point, if the Lord wills, to train hard for the future races.