RE-focusing.

With the Evangelistic meetings and June camp coming up, indeed, I feel that our hearts have to be prepared and ready. June hols should be packed with many church activities, and there isnt one that I am not looking foward to. However, with my disappointing results this term and last, and how I have spent too much time not on my studies, I guess its only right that my dad disallows me to go for Junecamp and also cutting down on my church activities. I should I say I should be counting my blessings that I am now able to faithfully come weekly for church and I am. However, I guess June camp can be counted as an extra bonus, IF I can win my dad's trust and IF God wills. I know that I have always struggled with the fact that missing out would mean less opportunity to be in God's word, and also less fellowship and fun. I think the thing that has always been holding me back from accepting God's will that I cannot go sometimees, is because I sometimes too tempted to come for the fun and fellowship. Reasling the fact that I can equally spend solid time with God, even though not going for some activities. Thank God, surprisingly, He numbed me this time and I felt perfectly calmed and understood His will and could accept it patiently. I do no deny that there is still a certain degree of sadness, I would not miss any opportunity to come even though I may have to pay for myself, but the thing I think I have a need to put in much hardwork and effort in my studies. I think my dad has put it though directly but very correctly when he said that the things I do sometimes may be against God's will, and the only reason is self-centeredness. I cant deny I have done quite a few things because I like, and not because God wills. Insiting on my will and not giving in to God because I want to do things that I like and dont want to do anything else. When a non-christian can be able to put it so plainly and correctly, I think that I ought to reflect. Have I really done the things that God has wanted me to do even though how I dislike it? For example my studies? I dare not say I have, though at times, attempting. I shouldnt say that God would use my dad to speak to me, but because of that comment which sparked me thinking. Am I really seeking His will? OR do I appear to seek after His will, but chooses stubbornly mine? Indeed, when I look back on my last two terms, I have to say that none of the books in which I read were not christian books, nor time spent much to be on my studies. I feel that despite the fact that God wants us to be continually basking in His word, there is also His will for us not to neglect to glorify Him in our studies. Again, to be daily meditating on His word but not living it out, [to be doing with all my might what my hands have found to do (ecc 9:10) and to do it unto God not onto men (col 3:23),] is something that is not right. What profits if I spend my whole life studying His Word, and learning it, if I do not go out to live it and win souls! The same way can I spend all my time reading Gods Word and neglect my mission field now- my studies?

I so often see friends out there, not studying hard because of two reasons. Either, they spend their time on their fun and leisure and friends and neglect their studies henceforth OR they overspend their time claiming to be seeking God and studying His word thus leading to not doing well in our studies. Sadly speaking, the amount of determination and discipline found in a non-christian so often surpasses one of a christian, who "claims" to have an All-Powerful God. I am not saying there isnt an All-Powerful God, haha, don't get me wrong. Just that if one has not found discipline and determination in his vocation, is he, in any way pleasing God? Just as sadly we know of christians who are not doing well in their studies, even being the last few in their class, does that glorify God. Shouldnt christians who have an Omnipotent God be topping the class, and hence giving glory academically to our Lord? Such, I cannot understand. Christians, inclduing me, should reflect on why this is happening? Just similarly to thin that the faithfulness of a devout buddhist or muslim can be to their "gods", what is a christian doing, wandering their time away aimlessly in their fun pleasures? Don't we profess to have a One True God? Yet, we who have the real God do not worship Him as we ought to. Its a disgrace I should think.

I guess the Lord has His time of refocusing my mind even at the expenses of not going for junecamp or even other activity. When I recieved my report card I felt I was walking aimless, away, without God. Same do I feel when I see my friends having the discipline to train and yet, I found not. My studies, running this year seem to have deteriorated alot. Though I cannot deny the fact that God may have something for me to learn from it, I guess I have been distracted and not focused on doing His will, but mine. There may be a reason for my failures now, but the thing that is bothering me is not that I have not doing well, but just that, asmy dad always says, I have not done my best. What does God want us to do? Do it all unto God not unto men (col3:23) Have I stubbornly disobeyed Him by not doing my best? I accepted that I cannot and should not go for Junecamp because I need to refocus and much more on the obedience to seek His will and obey it. So often to be blinded by my own desire, I have come to this stage of disappointment. Unless our will is really really surrendered, I do not think that we can profess to do His will. It may be a month of discipline, studying, training, reading, even praying and seeking earnestly to live a life that does God's will. If, I should think that many are in the same situation as me, I think we ought, as christians to do something about it, to be seeking and changing, so that our Lord may be glorified.

Despite not being able to go for Junecamp, I badly want to come for the evangelistic meetings and bring my friends and my dad for it. I pray that God will permit for this event. I seek not from this to have fun nor anything but that many may come to know Him, and to love Him as we do. However, I have been down this week and I am taking steps slowly to climb back to where I was with Christ, with His strength. I surveyed the ministry, and its really depressing. Maybe its just what I feel, but I think that what I concluded may be true. Youths, since Youth Camp, havent tasted victory? Not all of course, there are the faithful whom I plead to continue faithfully running this race, for we know not how God has or will use our faithfulness to work wondrous things as Melchizedek. But to those who have backslidden and either have not been seeking or have not been engaging God to fight their life's battles, please repent and be restored unto the sweet fellowship of our Lord. Don't forget all He has done! Don't forget victorys won! Stay where you belong, right at His side. God calls us all to return to His side, for He loves us and wants to use us. Can we come into service for Him, muddy dirty and with such uncleaness? Not simply because of the evangelistic meetings, but simply because the love of Christ compels us, we urgently need not to waste time, but to return and remain in our Lord. A vicious cycle as some may call it, after being fired up during camps and to be simmered down by the world and school. I rather choose to believe that we havent tasted the goodness of our Lord and not forgetting, not tasting victory in Christ! Claiming upon His victory on the cross in our lives, enables us to live victoriously as He did and not to be so easily defeated upon hiting a stumbling stone or be sinking slowly into the muddy pits of the world. As the song "Where is the gideon" puts it plainly, "This is the day where idols are worshipped, even God's children are lost in its snare. Good men have fallen, standards have shaken. Where is the answer? Who even cares?" idols refering to things or people we worship in our lives and are holding on to. Good youths have fallen, standards are shaken, Who does cares? If we thank God for His mercy, why don't we show our appreciation by reprociating His mercy. If we thank God for His love, why don't we show our appreciation by reprociating His love. And if we thank God for His goodness, why don't we show our appreciation by reprociating His goodness. God has been seeing His children of all generations turning their backs on Him, as the Israelites, even after His salvation comes unto them. And think, those who remain faithful in Him, God has made them prosper and God has used them so mightly in the lives of others! The only difference from one who remains in Christ and one who constanly stray away is, as, if we compare the Isralites and Moses. Do we content to be the Israelites who despite God's love, goodnes and mercy stray from Him because of our own lusts and desires? Or to be live Moses whom God looked on His faithfulness and used him to work wondrous works for Him?