When I Survey the Wondrous Cross

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died
My riches gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride
Forbid it Lord that I should boast
Saved in the death of Christ my Lord
All the vain things that charm me most
I sacrificed them to His blood
---

It was this song which moved my heart and really broke me down to utter surrender to God's word. If we could indeed survey the cross, my, would it be an extraordinary experience. If we could understand what Jesus Christ really did for us on that old rugged cross, my, would we have a totally new attitude towards life. And If we could comprehend the love demostrated to us, my, would we live for Him and Him only. "My riches gain I count but loss, And pour contempt on all my pride. Forbit it Lord that I should boast, Saved in the death of Christ my Lord. All the vain things that charm me most, I sacrficed them to His blood." The Cross never fails to humble us and show us of our unworthiness, first of creation, second of salvation, and lastly for grace to sustain us.

Two week was what it took to grind a new truth into my heart, of my utter dependance on the Lord and the Lord alone. Living two weeks confused and lost, seeking to squirm my way through yet falling into pits of despair. I cannot be certain that it was entirely the Lord's way but I know that my straying was used to teach me a lesson I had not known before. As Pastor shared on friday's prayer meeting of how we may walk in our own ways but the Lord will finally lead us back to His path. So has God shown me that He was firstly, able to use any mountain or tide to shape me, secondly He was never out of control of my life no matter how sinful I had become, and lastly, God brings His children back in love. God must have been so merciful in that He brought me back not hard, but with full of mercy and grace. Two weeks of attempting to balance myself proved only to be a failure as I see myself falling again and again, only to be numbed be the falls. I didn't think it was possible for me to return to the Lord and have the peace of God restored unto me. But God all mercy didnt think so. He reached down, and in a moment of an evening, convicted me with guilt, or sin judgement and His righteousness. I could only pray for help, mercy and forgiveness, nothing else. I truly learnt that I am unworthy and am nothing without Him. Even God said so, when He said unless we abide in Him, we can do nothing. To feel a sense of nothingness, and emptiness, plus the feeling of sinfulness and unworthiness left me clinging only onto His grace, which He promised was sufficient for me. It was a blessed feeling to have the peace of God returning into my heart and to be assured that the Spirit of God will guide my every footsteps. God reinforced my need for dependance on Him during Sunday School when He taught that the Spirit was sent as our Helper, for we are too weak even to pray! And that thru the Spirit the flesh can be mortified, and if we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. No matter how much trying we do, we will never succeed. We need to let go and open up our hearts and lives for the Spirit to move in, fill us and that we can only claim, "Christ liveth in me!".

The great thing is that there will be only 3 weeks of lessons after this week for this term, and this term past relatively fast. The not so good thing is that we have to cramp all the tests in the next two weeks before we are let off for Inter Disciplinary Project and Sabaticals Week. Coming up in the week ahead will be Chemistry, Geography and Math test, then the following week will be Biology and Physics test. Its quite scary, the amount of assignment we have and the cramping of tests into two weeks. It probably wont be true if I say its still okay with me, but it would be more appropiate to say that school has been rather stressful, but not taxing. Its really suffering to be with a class filled with people who really mug everyday, when I'm not one of them. And maybe even to be looked down by them for not doing so well, when I could be one of the above average in the next class. But who to bear the yoke of the salvation of these "intelligent" people if I was not in this class. To be honest, I would rather go to the next class then to be looked down by these people. I dunno whether I've given my 100%, probably not, but I guess I'm left with about 6 to 7 weeks to make the difference before holidays? "And God is able to make all grace abound toward you..." He IS able to grant me dilligence and to work hard, but I pray I would be willing to put in that effort. I'm almost used to having a slack lifestyle. But God doesnt delight in the lazy, I know. I guess we should never be proud to be a slacker, yea. Because God doesnt delight in one. To be called a nerd or mugger would be better because at least he is one with dilligence. But to be slack would means not giving our hundred percent right? So its not right la, I should say.

Our Sunday School series, On Mission With God really is quite exciting. It good to be made to come back at least spend 30 mins of our time during the day reading and looking up reference, because the day to day reading suggests that we do so. And I guess its really good. Are we gamed for the challenge to commit to this series?

Well, it is almost sure that I would be spending my whole holidays training for next year cross season instead of going over to China for one month. Actually its quite surprising that my dad would not mind, not to mention even suggesting that I stay and concentrate on training if the China trip can also be done next year. Still in the process of considering, praying and seeking what God's good, pleasing and acceptable will is. To be honest, I fear both choices would lead to unable to attend many youth activities and even youth camp. But its not up to me to decide because God is still in control. I'm thankful that He is.

Haha, its quite amusing even to me that I can be acting in Cantata, but I don't think its comfirm. It may in the end not be possible because I have firstly, to seek my dad's permission and secondly, whether I'm able to commit twice a week to rehearse. Its unpredictable because I do not know what my schedule would be like in future. What about training or even the China 1 month immersion? I'm almost exicted if I can perform lor. But I guess its still up to God, all things must I recive His green light and blessings before I can have the peace of mind to go ahead. I do not deny that I fear the stage, and the audience but I'm sure if God wills, He would help me overcome that. But I'm almost excited to see my friends, family coming on that day and, if you should know the plot of the cantata, touching and moving. And if God blesses, I'm so looking foward to many of my loved ones coming to Christ on that night. But then again, cheerfully, I have to leave all to the Lord to deciede my path.

Pray for the O level Cat High boys. Hving Prelims this 2 weeks. Beng, Darren and Ivan. And subsequently for Eunice, Yi xuan and Rachel for their coming Prelims too. Not to forget the PSLE youth guys, Danny, Sebestian and my brother Kenneth. And also the A level youths, Yixiang, Joo, Cheryl, Vanessa, and my sister Christina. Do pray that the Lord may keep them and that they will trust God and do it for Him!

Am I looking forward to the Amazing Race? It would be a lie to say I am not, but again I cannot bear to forsake the peace of God and lie to come for this activity against the will of my parents. I havent asked permission yet, but if you are passing by, do keep me in prayer, that if God decides to bless me with this break and to have fun and all, I pray He may pave the way. Nonetheless, I hope that we will all keep the Youthie Comm in prayer, for wisdom and discernment. For the Spiritual build up to the activity. This isnt merely an activity for fun, even though it is to get to known new friends and let them feel welcomed, but do pray for opportunities for the Youth comm to speak to them.

To all youths out there: Lets pray that we may all stay close to the Lord, and be clean and fit at all times for Him to manifest His light in us and hence to be lights to our friends who do not know the way. Press on together and not be discouraged or do not lag behind. Be praying always!

It is undeniable for me to think that the end is drawing so so very close. But I could only plead for the Lord's mercy for my unsaved loved ones. Rumours of wars? - we have them. Earthquakes? - We have tsunamis. Look at the outspread of animal and deadly diseases. Sucided bombings? Human have come to a point where advancement may even be impossible. If so, I guess we can draw the conclusion that the end is near. If ever we humans cross the line into playing God by human cloning etc, I think it can only mean the end is NEAR. Even the mark for the AntiChrist is ready, I read an article about the chip that can be stored in human's backhand and forehead. Does these not show us that Chirst is coming soon. I'm afraid many will be rudely shocked. Churches not holding on to the doctrines that they were taught to may be ashamed when Christ comes to claim His bride. The world so filled with sin, sexual immorality, violence can only remind us of the last days in Noah's time. I pray we will all be like Noah, who was warned and stood firm and upright in the crooked and perversed generation. Let us not be caught doing something we are ashamed of when Christ comes. Lovingly, be warned, Christ indeed is coming soon!