School is reopening in.. ohwells.

How I spent my march holidays? Nahh, u wont wanna know. But apart from the physical mundane and monotony, it was a time of renewal and restoration. I had suffice time to rest, and stop and think and ponder, evaluate and seek. And thankfully, by His grace I found answers and, indeed, peace- in His will. For the past 10 weeks, this was the only period I kept myself from thinking and worrying about school work. But naturally as national schools draw near, more focus and concentration would be towards my running.

To those who think that I am dying, or on the verge of it, I guess the Lord really "strengthened [me] in the Lord" as He did towards David. The message really struck me powerfully as I realised, all that I went through, David did. Lessons learnt, faith renewed and refined, all according to His perfect will. I guess I was discouraged after endless cycles or weariness, stress and busyness. Truly I needed more grace. Even the example of deflecting towards the world, and being lost in between, I think I pretty much can identify myself with it. I know I havent been in the company of believers, and I think isolating myself would probably do more harm then good. The Word of God has found its place, its sacred place back in my life once again. And its fullness.. overwhelms me. As one starving and being deprived of food for the longest time rediscovers it, how he feeds and feasts greatly on it. His Word has strengthened me, encouraged me and led me back to seek His face once again. The Lord lifted me out a my miry pit and set my feet on a solid Rock. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise and thanks to God. Many shall see and fear, and shall trust in the Lord! It is.. indeed, sweet to trust in Jesus.

I've sought permission for my baptismal. Unfortunately my dad feels I'm not matured enough and not opened minded enough. Nonetheless, I pray to trust the Lord as He leads.

I hope all will be over after my nationals. Its another crossroad of my life where I get to choose, as I seek His will, where I ought to head for the rest of the year, possibly the next two years. To continue to run and train? To take up more academic and school projects and assignments? To offer my service and serve faithfully in whichever ministry the Lord shall lead? May He speak to me, above the storms of passion, above the murmurs of self-will.

Nationals Cross is drawing so near. It will be here in another 3 weeks. I dunno whether to feel happy or sad. After my race on Friday, I have had this strong urge and desire to do well for my nationals. And I believe I have been putting much pressure, unneccesary maybe, on myself because of that. Firstly I want to do well, for the Lord. Secondly, it may be my last race and I hope to end it well. Thirdly I've really trained hard for it, and I don't wish to see it all go to waste. I always feel uncomfortable whenever I have a desire to do well. Dunno if its because of my fear of pride as a sin, and the Lord resisting the proud, or my perception that the Lord will not grant because such desires may root from self. I hope to set my focus right even before I continue to train, and definitely before I stand on the race track, at the start line. A few verses spoke to me as I meditated on them throughout this week.

Humble yourselves before the mighty hand of God that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your cares upon Him for He careth for you

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart

And we know what we ask, we shall recieve because we keep His commandments and do all that is pleasing in His sight

I've grown use to the fact that the Lord never fails to try and test, of course to refine and strengthen us. But to know that the Lord witholds no good thing from those who will walk uprightly, I probably havent gotten used to the idea.

Nonetheless I think the Lord has blessed me tremendously and given me everything I could possibly wish and ask for. I'm greatly and richly blessed in every possible way. I thank my Lord.

Back to school.. means more studying, mugging and striving. That also means a new start and beginning for me to, go in the strength of the Lord, and reach out and minister. May the Lord give grace and strength to fulfill what He has called me to do.

A recommendation from a brethen: Listen to Jim Berg's sermon on "Measurement of Kingdom Usefulness". We shall learn that unless we fall on our knees each day for His grace, we can never, fulfill and keep His commandments as we ought to.