to be A Man After God's Own Heart

"I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after My own heart, who will do all My will."

Resolutions for Year 2006

1. Live by faith; trust and depend wholly and fully in God

2. Read the Bible through in a year

3. Walk worthy of the calling of the Lord- to go wherever He sends, speak whatever He commands

4. To behold His glory, to experience God through and through


I feel I have been so distracted. I feel I've lost sight of my goal and purpose. I feel I've failed to be that man after my blessed Lord's own heart.

After 1 semester of school I wonder how everyone is doing. I'm glad I found time to stop, think and reflect. Long, I feel, have I actually done so. Well, for the past weeks I've been thinking and pondering and seeking, answers I have found, especially in today's message, but what will I do with His Word?

"Thy word have I hidden in my heart that I may not sin against you"

Dr Mincy preached on how Jude wrote encouraging Christians with the influx of false teachers and doctrines. It is so, even in this age, more rampant and subtle.

1. The Word of God
2. Our spiritual growth, in the Spirit
3. Look for the mercy of our Lord Jesus
4. Have compassion on the needy
5. Look unto Christ our Lord

The message struck me hard as I realised, in all the 5 areas, I've failed in most of them. I havent had time spent to study the word of God (contrary to my resolution) and fail to "grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus". I have been so very stagnant in my spiritual growth and struggle to keep myself in the love of Christ. I failed to set my heart and mind of things that are eternal and "fix our blessed hope within our hearts to keep us pure" (Second stanza of song: In Heaven's Glory). I have neglected my ministries and fail to reach out for the Lord. The Lord has been my dependance through the past 2 months, yet have I not struggled to keep my eyes on Christ?

Havent I failed to be that "man after [His] own heart"?

I have been tremedously busy, exceedingly stressed and.. in fact I've been so "immersed" in this world that I actually feel numb. Maybe I have not strayed entirely for the past term, but I'm sure my focus has not always been on the Lord and His will.

Being so busy and caught up in school work and training, I believed in the beginning that the only reason I was doing so was because the Lord has given me my classroom and my trainings as areas of ministries unto the Lord. I started off with that purpose and that goal. In fact I remembered I was rather zealous for this ministries that I committed to witness to at least one person every day. However, now that 1 term is gone, I realise I've lost focus and became distracted. I've failed and neglected my ministries. I was so caught up with the stress and demands of work and training that, I sought for perfection in the work I did. I didnt have time and neglected my responsibility to minister. I'm particularly upset about my failure in ministering to the lost around me. That the Lord may "heal this selfish servant from my worldly cares". Has everything I've done been ineffective and useless the past term? I'm uncertain. But one thing I am grateful to the Lord for, that the Lord has honored those who honored Him, for the hardwork He has led me to put in for my studies and training bore wonderful results. Yet I have to consider, have I been all that the Lord wanted me to be this term?

Even so, I know I have neglected prayer and the reading and studying of His Word. The only time I spend time with the Lord is in the morning and I feel as if I have ceased to set aside time through the day for the Lord. Isnt it true that when life becomes busier we need to spend more time with Him for the much needed grace? I know I havent been as zealous and passionate in the studying of His word as I have been before. I feel I have been depending alot of the knowledge that I have learnt before to sustain and carry me through. Because I failed to "meditate on it day and night" and to "observe to do according to all that is written" I have not been growing in the grace and knowledge of my Savior, and surely, "I can't be like Thee, until I know Thee!" I think I'm starving spiritually, because I have not fed and feast upon His Word as I ought to. Indeed man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of the living God! May the Lord teach me and guide me in my pursuit for His wisdom and knowledge, that I may seek and find Him when I shall seek Him with all of my heart!

Maybe I went through a term living for myself? I may have failed to serve Him with the talents and grace bestowed onto me. If I have neglected my ministry of witnessing and reaching out in school, (where I spend most of my time in/with) I have definintely ceased to minister in church. Have I been a blessing or encouragement to anyone this year? Havent I failed to, disciple, as I have desired to? Has not my trainings consumed my time so badly that I spend so little time in church and fail to enjoy the fellowship I once loved dearly. Can the relationships forged with friends in the world be compared to bonds and friendships forged, in His Spirit and by His blood, in the church? There are times where I felt I didnt have to spend so much time in church, but I guess I was wrong. Because without the support from those in the faith, and the strong influence of the world, I realised I fell so badly. I desire to enjoy the sweet and blessed fellowship that I once did and I definitely desire to serve the Lord, if His will, in every possible ministry or way I can. But when? When will or can I be led to do so?

I have truly fallen short of His glory, and His grace. "But the Lord upholdeth [me] with His hands"

That I may truly be a man after the Lord's own heart; to be that man He desires me to be! Pray for me as I commit my self to the Lord, to study and grow in the grace and knowledge of my Savior. Pray with me as I seek the will of the Lord for my life for the rest of the year. If possible, I hope that I will be able to spend as much time as I can serving the Lord in church. Should I stop training for track and field after my cross country in april? Will He use me to minister to my friends in school and also to the youths? Pray for me as I seek the Lord's will for my baptism this April.

To pray, "Not my will but Thine Lord" in all of these.