Knowing God..

Jeremiah 9:23-24

Thus says the LORD: "Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom,Let not the mighty man glory in his might, Nor let the rich man glory in his riches; But let him who glories glory in this, That he understands and knows Me, That I am the LORD, exercising lovingkindness, judgment and righteousness in the earth. For in these I delight." says the LORD.

... that [I] understands and know [God]...

Looking back and reflecting on the life that I had lived for the past few weeks or even months, I feel rather disappointed with myself- for making wrong choices, for allowing my standards to be compromised, for walking according to the ways of the world and the lust of the flesh. I thank God through His grace and mercy I am not consumed, that it is by His grace alone that I can come into the understanding of my mistakes and seek to walk uprightly again.

The past few months have been plagued with trials, temptations, and mistakes. Of which I realised when they came, I was not prepared, I was not equipped nor armed with the armour of God, I was not ready to stand firm for God. I crumbled easily and quickly, only exposing my weaknesses and faithlessness. I realised the grave mistake that I made, to think that by "knowledge" and "wisdom" I was able to continue walking uprightly. It finally dawned upon me, by the light of the Holy Spirit, that I am as weak and as sinful as the vilest of sinners, without Christ. When we start to think highly of ourselves, of our "faith" in God, of our "knowledge" of Him, we make a terrible mistake. God has warned, "Let he who thinks he stand, take heed, lest he falls". Obviously, I have not heeded this warning. And.. great was my fall,when I exalt myself to a position that God has not placed me. But through all these falls and failures, I'm humbled greatly and learnt this truth-"without [Him] I can do nothing."

I dare not boast that I am back, and seeking God. Because I know it was nothing I deserved nor what I sought after in my flesh. The desire and longing to return to God with all my heart came from His spirit and His grace. By His grace, I have decided to surrender all and not hold back anything, and return to seek Him and walk worthy of my calling. In the midst of my falls and failures I know that I had at many times prayed and desired to turn from my sinful ways, but until.. until I'm willing to trust God with my whole life and commit not just a part of my heart, but my whole heart to Him, I was never on my way back to fellowship with God.

The series of messages the past weekend spoke alot to me, God's spirit opened the eyes of my understanding to "behold wondrous things from [His] law".Firstly, through Bro Joshua I've learnt that my priorities were severly mixed up, and God was not first place in my life. I have not done all things for God's glory and I've entertained myself with things that does not please the Lord. Have I been walking along the enemy's line? Because there can never be a half-hearted Christian. I realised I have been lukewarmed and cold towards the Lord, towards His love. Jesus said, "If anyone does not forsake his all, bear the cross and follow Me, he cannot be my disciple." The call of discipleship was not for those who had not counted the cost of following Christ, nor was it for those who couldnt bear to forsake his commitment, it was for those who are willing to follow the Savior till death. Not many may be fit to be called a disciple of Jesus Christ this day, if you think about it. Secondly, Dr John's messages on sunday really convicted me and moved me in a special way. It really was true that I have not been living a God-centered life, and this is well-reflected by the "taking" instead of "giving" that I become. It means I myself realised even that as I begin to live for self, I become much self-centered and selfish in many of my ways. Having heard of the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ, such glory and light being placed in earthen paper cups such as us, I am ashamed that I have not been serving the Lord as I ought to, as I promised to. As I reflected this weekend, the promises I've made to God through my years as a Christian flashed back, the passion and love I had for the Lord, the desire to seek His will and please Him flooded me continually. I begin to wonder what I have been doing all this while, wasting away all that God has given me- opportunities, grace, talents. By God's grace I desire to rededicate myself to His will and to serve Him with all of my life. I pray and hope that the Lord will "change me" and through this month of June, refresh and revive me again for the Lord