Term 3 Week 1

Philipians 3:7-11

But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead


This verses has been on my mind for the past week, after Daniel's sharing during sunday school. I've been thinking what it really means to count all things gain as loss, and all things loss, for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ, as rubbish. It definitelt takes alot of conviction and faith to make such a statement. Would I ever be able to say it with such conviction?

That I may know Him!

Heh, well the first week of school past pretty quickly. I thank the Lord for the precious hour in the morning spent in His word and in prayer. God granted the grace and strength for each day. I thank Him He gives to me, my cup and my portion, and has made my lot secure, in Him! So that each day I go to school, I know that I can rest in Him! Peace and joy, the promises of God, were faithfully, graciously bestowed upon me when I claimed them. I thank God He continually reminded me, when in difficult circumstances, to give thanks in everything and to be contented. I confess the difficult thing I encountered was to listen attentively during lessons and to complete me assignment. After such a long period of relaxation, I guess Im so used to it. I know I should be resolved to return to study hard and train hard to do my best for God.

I was sharing with the guys during prayer meeting the burden that has been weighing my heart down pretty much. It has to do with my studies and my training, especially my training. I know the issue about the "secular" and "non-secular" thingy, but its not why I am burdened with. I know it is my responsibility to do my best as a student, God's student. I have been thinking about the verses above throughout the week, and struggling to come to a total surrender in many areas. I guess I thought I was prepared and refocused, and ready to return to so-called "face the world" after the june holidays. But just one week has past, and I realised it has been so, so difficult for me to exercise what I have learnt through His word. I fear to think like the world once again, to desire what they desire and to seek what they seek- glory, fame, riches. It really has been a constant struggle within, to seek the things above and not the things of the world. The pressure around me is great, tremendous in fact. I know if I do not follow the "flow", I'll be despised, side-tracked, belittled. The lesson came timely: do I want my identity to be found in what I do, or do I want my identity to be solely in Christ? Thats why I shared my reflections about what is more important, my studies and my running, do they really matter as much as the spiritual things? Would I count them, if I gained, as loss for Christ? Or would I count them, when loss, as rubbish? The world has framed my mind to think like theirs, that results and achievements will pave the way to success. But what is success in the eyes of Him, who truly matters? Am I going to, by faith, forsake my all and follow Him (wherever He leads, whatever His will maybe)? I have been pleading the Lord would keep my focus on Him and that I may have the mind of Christ and see things through His eyes. I am short-sighted and blind in my ways, I admit. Unless the Lord leads, I cannot have peace, I cannot have rest. But then, will I submit? Sometimes I just get so worried whether I will be able to achieve the results that I desire- it kinda jus reflects that my ambitious desires. It has been a struggle that I want to end, in fact, I've been struggling with it so much I have neglected the friends around me who need a Saviour! If you didnt realised, I thought alot and was rather burdened during prayer meeting. It all ended, and my burdens weighing down on me when I found grace to submit and surrender to His will- it had to be a surrender to tell the Lord, "There is [nothing] on earth I desire beside You!" and to pray, "Lord, help me be so consumed with you that for me, to live is Christ!" In the end it may not only be my studies and running, it may even be my desire to imitate the world in anyway. By faith, I have to step away from seeking my identity in the world... but to be found in Him!

I've shared about how burdened I have been the past few days because my nationals were in a week's time and I have been under performing greatly. It may have been pride that refused to be humbled, and be submitted to the Lord. I know that if I have surrendered the above, there wouldnt be any problem here. But anyway, I was really seek to do my best for God for my running. But it just didnt work out, I under-performed badly during trainings yet I know I have given my best. I know I should have been contented with that, I told myself I had to be, however within me there is still a tinge of regret and doubting. It was kinda like a form of trial for me, maybe to see if I would trust God, maybe to humble me, whatever it is I didnt know and couldnt understand whats going on. I was really troubled too. Then the Lord comforted me, that He was my refuge and the horn of my salvation, and I could hide beneath the shelter of His wings! Light dawned upon my heart and my cares fell off when the Lord spoke to my through the song, "Lord, keep My Focus On You":

Trials surround me, Lord, I cry in despair
Though I know You're with me and You hear every prayer
Open my eyes to see that You know what's best for me
You're ever near, calm my fears
This is my plead

That the Lord may open my eyes to see that He knows whats best for me!

I'm really excited about what the Lord has installed for me in the rest of the year, and in the years ahead. I am so excited to see what my Lord is preparing me to be and I am excited to see how He fulfills His purpose in my life. Yet all these excitment are for a while, and I only plead that I may be surrendered and submitted to His will and leading wherever He may lead. I am excited to see how the Lord will clearly reveal His will to me so that I may not doubt.

There are many things I want to do for the Lord, rather there are many areas where I desire greatly to serve the Lord in. However it seems as though there are many factors that may limit or hinder me from doing so. Does that mean its not the will for me to do so yet? I feel pressed on every side by the pressures and expectations in life, I am restricted in the amount of time I can spend serving the Lord because of commitments in school and parental disapproval. I feel unable to go forward to serve as I ought to because of my weaknesses and limitations. And to a certain extend I feel that failure to meet standards like baptism and my age may do well in preventme from serving in areas I desire. Yet of all these does it mean that the Lord wants my ministry to be primarily in school and training? I really wonder. Am I feeling discouraged? Maybe a little, but I know the Lord has much to prepare me before He puts me into places where He wants me to be. And I have to learn to be really contented with wherever the Lord of haverst places me to labour for Him. For all we desire is indeed, only, to the glory of the Lord!