Seek ye first the Kingdom of God

Guess what, my life has been so busy I literally and almost have become so numb for the past few days. Or maybe even the past 2 weeks. In fact ever since my Track and Field season ended, I hardly feel have the luxury and freedom of time as I used to. Have I been wasting my time away? Not if all the catching up, the tests and the multitude of assignment is considered as important. My mind has been so over saturated with work that I can't help feeling uncomfortable whenever I have spare time. Work starts the moment I reach home till the moment I snooze. Maybe its for just this period and may just last till after my end of year examinations, which probably would be week 3 or 4 of term 4. But I can't help to think that this was what I have been telling myself while struggling with training and studies. I really wonder when will this busyness end. I'm certainly not complaining. In fact I have so much to be thankful for. The LORD has been wonderful. He has reassured me that "He will never leave us nor forsake us" during last week's Sunday School lesson on Esther. And He has been true and faithful to His Word. Despite how exasperated I may be at times, things eventually do work out, and peace and assurance does fill my heart. So I havent been traumatised just yet. I only ask for more grace to do the things He tells me to.

"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33

One of the two lessons that have been so close to my heart throught the sunday school series on "Thriving in Stressful Times" has been this lesson. I am stressed at many times because I have failed to comprehend the truth in this verse, which is, in simple terms "Let go and let God". I confess I have been refusing to let go especially the reins of my life and I suffer from anxiety about my life very often. I badly want to be in control, especially of my studies and indirectly, my future. Ironically I badly want to know God's will and vocation for my life too! Somehow what Pastor said last sunday struck me. He said that we often want God to show us His will and it is not shown because we arent prepared nor willing to submit to it in the first place! I feel I would, if the Lord shows me His will, definitely need the grace and by His grace follow Him wherever He leads, but I also know I want to have something as back-up so that I can lean upon when all of life crumbles. This alternative dependance I feel is my studies and also maybe my performance in various aspects of my school life. When placed in an environment when every student's focus and motivation is "success" in life and in future, the pressure and temptation to follow is great. I found great comfort in the vese, "do not be comform to the pattern of this world, but be renewed in the spirit of your minds" (Romans 12:2). Unless I daily renew my minds, I would find myself lost in this mindset of this world. The struggle goes on. I know a life of such pursuit for "excellence" and "knowledge" is empty and cannot be an end in itself. I am also not implying studies shouldnt be important to me, for it is of much important: first on the level of giving glory to God and second on the level of "a better future". I feel uneasy and uncomfortable whenever I feel lost and consumed in the process of studying and doing work, when it all gets busy. And when I think about JC life, it kinda worries me also. I guess it all comes back to the teachings of Jesus.

"Lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven.. for where you treasure is, there your heart will be also."

"O you of little faith"

“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

- Matthew 6

So much for my thoughts and my struggles of these few days and weeks.

Final years coming must start to mug already!

Parent's complaining Im getting too involved in church. Am I? But I definitely cannot fail to do my best in my studies if not I would dare to think of this priviledge I have been enjoy of going to church.

On a really lighter note, my cousin David and Chiaochyi are getting married in about 2 weeks time! Im really excited actually. Not only have David and his brothers been quite close to me and my siblings when we were young, Im thankful the Lord brought us closer in service in church and in the youth ministry. This is the cousin I've played with and enjoyed his and his brother's companion since I was very young. I remember how I always dared not ask Uncle Philip for permission to go to their house despite so badly wanting to visit them. And the soccer we used to play near their void deck. And many many things happen when we were young only maybe I was too young to remember. But him and his brothers are almost like the closest cousins to us. Now that he is going to wed with my future cousin-in-law, Im so happy for him, and of course her. Cos Sis CC has also been a great blessing and encouragement to me, through her blog, her example, and her encouragements. My wishes and blessings to this couple, that the Lord not only would bless your marraige but also use both of you mightily and greatly in your lives ahead! :D