EXAMS!!

Haha, IM like in the middle of my exams now. But thankfully the MAJOR ones are kinda over. So Im left with the less rigourous subjects like mathematics and chinese. Okay, Im really glad the exams came and are going so quickly. Cos Im really looking forward to the abundance of free time I am going to have after the exams. Like, I've shared during prayer meeting. I need wisdom and discernment from the Lord to know the direction I should take for my life and Im trusting Him to lead me and guide me in His ways. Im really thankful the Lord has been ever gracious and good to me through this period of studying and exams. My confidence is really on Him, who wavers not, and He gives me peace in the midst of my storms. Moments of preparation committed to Him and Him bringing them to pass. Its just like in Proverbs, where it says, "The preparation of the heart belongs to man, But the answer of the tongue is from the LORD. (Prov 16:1) and "The horse is prepared for the day of battle, But deliverance is of the LOrd. (Prov 21:31). Its almost like all the preparation is done, but at the crucial moment one can just fail to perform. So, by preparing (by studying which is definitely necessary) and committing each paper into His hands I know that THATs God's battle and.. I can rest.

Aye, sometimes I just feel Im so bad at relationships. Cos I either learn to treasure someone really dearly or not at all. Such extremist attitudes isnt really helping as I realise ministry sometimes takes place by relationships. And perhaphs at times the thought of how I could be better off working alone, maybe with the Lord, tempts me. But I know no man is an island, nor has the Lord designed for one to stand alone (even though He does allow loneliness to test one's heart at times). The closer you are to someone, the more complicated it gets and the more affections are aroused. But on the other hand, it relationships are kept according to God's plan it can never go wrong. It will bless both parties and each will be showered with love and care, as each needs. Think, instead of selfishly wanting relationships to satisfy us and wanting our way, may we learn, yes.. to love every single brother or sister which comes along and never exclude anyone from our love-perimeter. Yes, and I feel that this love-perimeter will continue to increase as our love for Him increase, as He teaches us how to love. The worst thing to have amongst ourselves is strife and divisions, for not only are we facing enemies from the outside, we are distracted from within. May our desire be to stand and fight in one accord and not as individual beings for the Lord. Yes, I need wisdom to handle relationships in the way that it may please the Lord and not man. and that every point we turn, we may only reflect Christ.

Have been reading the book of Proverbs esp during this time of my exams. Erm, its kinda evident the themes being wisdom, folly, righteousness, wickedness, blessedness, destruction. Day after day I read and learnt that bettle is one who has little with fear of the Lord than one with great treasure in trouble. That the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, that the fear of the Lord is our confidence and that the fear of the Lord is the fountain of life. Wisdom goes with righteousness and ends up with blessedness beyond compare. Conversly, folly leads to wickedness and the destruction of both the body and soul. Words of wisdom, teachings that will guide us in the way of life. Better to be contented with little and fear God then to have abundance and despise wisdom. And yes.. I need great wisdom and discernment from above. and thankfully. God says that if one seeks after wisdom as gold and silver, if one has fear of the Lord, he shall find it. Thank Him that though man plans His ways the Lord directs His paths. that if we commit our ways unto Him, God is faithful, and will establish our thoughts.

Ahh. Im thankful to Him that though I never fail to go astray and become self-willed easily, His grace never fails to draw me back to Himself and to taste joy and blessedness in knowing Him. And I really wanna change. I really want the Lord to change me- each day to become more like my Savior- and to learn to renounce self, world, and sin each day. And really to walk worthy and uprightly all the days of my life and cease to backslide into my own ways. I guess we all have to move on in life. Its kinda tough understanding why I feel I've been stuck (even though I know its my fault) when it has often been our desire to press on to higher grounds. May God really be gracious to help us, weak, sinful, unworthy sinners to press upwards and onwards to become more like Jesus and more fitting for His use.

I just want to be contented with Him. Really.

"Jesus is all the world to me. My life, my joy, my all"