Oh, I thank God that I have gleaned and learnt so much the past few days. But it has been a spiritually and emotionally trying period of time for me. First let me share what I have learnt:

Wednesday was Bible study at Beng's house. Haha the irony of the discussion we had was that even though it was a single verse we looked at, there was so much to glean from it and even though we spent an hour on it and came to a seemingly simple conclusion, the effect was that the discussion we had stayed quite long in my mind. The verse was Psalms 37:4. Delight yourself in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart. There is much truths to contemplate on this one single verse, for delighting means trusting, means submission, means contentment, and the list goes on.. and God promise to give us the desires of our heart! Thats great. (:

Finished the biography of Sundar Singh not too long ago. His life of a Sadhu, which means forsaking of wealth, possession, family and friends to dedicate himself to a life of service inspired me and encouraged me. It would take great faith to follow his, as well as Christ's footsteps. Honestly I am not ready to do so. But I pray when God calls me to forsake my all I will be willing to do so. Then adding to the effect of his life upon my life was this song called Jesus I my cross have taken, telling of being despised and forsaken by the world and leaving our all and following Him, and how rich our condition is when God and heav'n are still ours to claim. You don't know how much Sundar's life as well as this song has encouraged me, especially when God chooses to "perish every fond ambition; all I've sought and hoped and known" in my life. Trying moments but God giveth grace for it.

Then was the sermon by C.H. Spurgeon that I read, on a Call to Holiness. Going through Matthew 5, the question posted was why Christians ought to do more than non-believers, especially in a life of holiness and a life of service to our Lord. Shall share more on it when I have the time. I think it struck and challenged me greatly and I'm sure it would, to both Christians who are walking faithfully as well as those who have backslidden.

Prayer meeting was good. Thoroughly enjoyed the time spent fellowshiping and praying together. If only I had the freedom to be able to attend it weekly. I feel that Dad's not very pleased with me spending so much time on church once again, and I think I must be discerning in how I spend my time with church. Wed's Bible study, Friday prayer meeting, Sat's youth choir as well as tomorrow's church. 4/7 days in church till late. Heh. Tricky la.

So I'm supposed to update on what I've been tried about? Ahh, many things. With new truths gleaned, comes the opportunity to practice them and to see if faith will be exercised in trusting God. But at times I wished God would take it away from me, esp those emotional ones, I feel that I wont be able to bear them. I have a pretty weak heart. Lol. But yes, to be fully surrendered to His will, to know the Potter's heart gives me assurance that He knows whats best for me.

1. It is a emotional one. I think that relationships that I have are just too fluid and people come and go so quickly in my life. If I may take comfort in the words, "there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother" that is Christ Jesus my Friend. But God, to be lonely (lacking meaningful relationships on earth) is so very trying and I feel I end up exasperated after all. "Human hearts and looks deceive me, Thou art not like man untrue!" "Put not thy trust in princes or the sons of man" And... "sever any tie, save the tie that binds me to Thine heart". Oh God help! And brothers pray! May it not be God still wants me to learn that He is all I need?

2. It is a spiritual one. "Lay any burden on me, only sustain me" think there is sooooo much work to do so many ministries to undertake so many people to care for and reach out to. Leaves me in desperation, wondering where I am ever gonna find the strength and ability to do so. I know I ought to be faithful in not only one but all of the ministries God called me into but I feel so incapable and weak to do so. I fear not only negligience on my part but also insensitivity to the needs of the people around me. I fear also, inertia on my part. "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you", and "Take my yoke upon thyself, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light" God give grace and strength to be faithful.

3. At times I wished there would be someone who would care, understand and sympathize with me! I'm human after all and in fact only a 17 year old boy. Maybe my own pride has led to many to pressume I'm capable of sustaining myself. I wouldnt compare myself to those who bears great responsibility at young and tender age. But I'm certain most of my dilemnas and struggles are faced alone and there just seems to be lack of a hearing-ear or earthly counsellor. Everyone seems engrossed and busy with their own lives or the lives of others. Maybe thats why God has been such a important and close Person in my life cos He never leaves me nor forsakes me, He never changes His love towards me and never is too busy for me. And I feel I've done great injustice to Him when I flee to human cover when they temporarily appear but run back to Him when they disappear as quickly as they appear. God, forgive, renew and give new sight!

It seems like a emo entry. Haha maybe it is. But I give God the glory because He has sustained me thus far despite my physical, emotional and spiritual struggles. So maybe if people could be less judgemental and start praying or caring, needs would be met and people wouldnt be that prone to being hurt. I'm speaking in general.

God help me to be less self-seeking and love and care for others who are in need of a Savior's love!