Haha, today's activity definitely worth a post. (:

3-1 yay! LOL. Thank God firstly.

Cramps cramps cramps cramps. I think I cramped 4 times on the pitch. Super malu. Well, again this time the cramping sequence was like this: darren, me, beng and extra addition, ernest! Should start exercising already, first time play so xiong after a long time. Well, I'm not very satisfied with my performance today, cos at the start I was SUPER SUPER lethargic, until the ball can be infront of me and I cant move towards it.

Anyway a list of thanks for today's match.

1. Thank GLCC for the game. Yay they were really sporting and nice, like helping us in our cramps and all. (:
2. Danny our goalkeeper did a great job I must say.
3. Beng team captain for unselfish play and dedicated defending.
4. Darrell for being a solid center back.
5. Darren for the magical bent shot which was a goal.
6. Kaiyue for his wonderful assists
7. Ernest for playing hard.. evident cos of the cramp he got! Lol
8. Ivan, Xuan, Theron, Samuels and Jeremy for being hardworking.
9. Matthew for cramping in the first minute.
10. Jeremy for scoring the leading goal.
11. Myself for scoring the equalizer ((: Okay, ego. :/

Seriously, I should have scored the two headers which came flying my way :/ I would be more contented with that. I played one half. Second half I went in after 15 minutes, before cramping the next minute and subsequent in and out due to cramps, haha.

Okay, overall I like the way I spent today. Tho I only studied Respiration and Carbohydrates. Lol. And talked alot alot with darren about many stuff. So it was really nice too! (: Though much of our convo cannot be said in public, lol

A number of peopl told me this before, (del, yh, darren a little) that you really cannot determine how a person would treat you. Firstly, if there isnt really a commitment to begin with, there shouldnt be an expectation of exclusive attention. It is, fleshly and prideful to expect that. Secondly, its really really not up to you to decide whether a friend would consider you to be a close friend or not. I've figured it out on the way, walking up the slope to my house. Haha. But its painful but truth. As in how well you treat the person doesnt affect whether the person would treat you well or consider you a close friend. Many a times I get disappointed in relationships because I want people to treat me as well as I treat them, love me as much as I would love them. But obviously it doesnt always happen that way. Somehow things are really beyond our control? And its really all in the Lord' s hands. I strongly believe that relationships we have are placed and put there by God. The affinity anyone has for another sometimes cannot be explained. It just happens and God puts them in our lives for a reason. But there is also a reason for the lack of affinity, conversly. It is non biblical to assume that love has to be mutual always. The bible says "love one another as I have loved you". How did Christ love us? He gave His life, not expecting anything in return. Hmm. We loved Him because He first loved us. An example of a love that is mutual would be when Chrsitians love God? But on the other hand, another example of how agape God's love was, and expects ours to be, is when people who choose not to believe in Him, yet I am certain He loves them just as much. For the Bible says the angels rejoice everytime a person receives salvation. But my point really is, that loving others must not necessarily be mutual in a sense. Does it mean that if someone you care for doesnt care for you and you stop loving him/her? Thats selfish love I guess. Not real love as explained in 1 Corinthians 13. There is a long way before we can fully grasp and understand how we should love. The flesh usually gets in the way cos of jealousy, pride, self-centeredness.

The very fact that we humans cant determine whether the person we care for will reciprocate should turn our depedence to God. Because of the ever changing attitude and switching of loyalties of men, God tells us not to put our trust in princes nor the sons of men in Psalms. Instead, to the discouraged soul He comforts, "why art thou downcast O my soul, why art thou disquieted within me, hope thou in God for thou shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance" I believe God loves to make our paths bright and sunny as long as we are trusting in Him. But we'll really have to "Wait on the Lord [and] be of good courage, for He shall strengthen thine heart" when things dont go the way we hope it will and God seems mean and withholds "good" things for us. Somehow, sometime later, His perfect will will be shown. "As for my God, His way is perfect. The word of the LORD is proven, He is a shield to all who trust in Him" Surely this cant be an un-truth can it? But it really really takes great faith to trust in God? Especially when your emotions play a big part of the decisions you make. I really hope I can act my way and hope things will turn out the way I hope it will be, but I fear being hurt again and that things go haywire again. Thats why I've really gotta keep trusting and hoping even tho its the last thing I wanna do. God..help me in this area I am so often struggling with.

As delphine said, I've really gotta be contented with life and live life the way its meant to be. I guess I really should be bogged down by issues especially emotional ones. I know I've gotta live life the way I was made to live it- for God. I read Ephesians 5 today. "For you were once in darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light, finding out what is acceptable to the Lord." and.. "Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is". It struck me, firstly because I seem to have forgotten what it is like to.. do the will of the Lord. It seems almost impossible for me to make every single decsion in my life, from what I wear, to where I go, to what I do, finding out what is acceptable to God. But, I KNOW it is the right thing to do and I was once there, and I was once happy and contented there- in the will of God. I've gotta be willing to submit to His will and not insist on mine. "Not my will but Thine Lord" something I havent said for a very long time. Its high time to walk in the high way, and no longer in the misty flats. Things would very much be clearer there then it is now, with all the pain and the mist around.

Psalms 37:23-24
The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORd, and He delights in his way.
Though he fall he shall not be utterly cast down, for the LORD upholdeth him with His hand.

Have I really lost my innocence? Its a scary thought. I fear I have traded it for things that doesnt and wouldnt last, things that as the bible calls them, passing pleasures. I want to be that jem who loves God, who wants to give his entire life for God's work and give his life as a matyr for God. To sing, "Let me burn out for thee O Lord" and "Lord send me anywhere" with conviction and live it. But.. why have I become one so pragmatic, who just wants a simple life with a sweet and loving wife, a few kids, probably become a doctor and settle down and enjoy life. I fear God doesnt and wouldnt wanna use me anymore. Consider Saul and his mistakes, it is fearful to be rejected by God. In fact your life would be entirely wasted just like that.

"I only have one life, and that would soon be past. I want my life to count for Christ, whats done for Him will last"

Ephesians 5:15
See then that you walk.. not as fools but as wise. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

I've said what I wanted to say, goodnight (: