Lord, Keep My Focus on You

Honestly, I can't say I am ready if God decides to come and rapture us today. In fact I would be ashamed as the servant who didn't use his God-given talents was.

I've realised that the further you are from God, the more you do not desire to return.. and it continues to remain a vicious cycle till God mercifully sends some light into our hearts, and we realise that life is really empty and meaningless w/o God. Its just problems after problems, worry after worry, care after care, work after work, pleasure after pleasure, but.. there isn't- if we use a biological term, final electron acceptor- or rather a conclusion to it all. Men need a solid Rock in whom they can depend on- its a fact of life. Most of the time, humans move and change so much that they cannot be that rock on which we stand.

I've realised I've been trying to overcome my problems in my own strength. Sometimes, impatience has also caused me to take things into my own hands and do them w/o consulting God (most of the times messing things up :/). I've been overly dependent on my friends. Also, trying to please myself and my flesh by indulging much in the world. But I just keep coming back to the same point- im not moving on, but rather, backwards. I don't have peace nor rest in all of these things. I miss the Resting Place I use to always be able to go to.

The world did charm me into believing it could satisfy. But it really still feels so empty. "the world is passing away, and the lust of it but He who does the will of God abideth forever"

I really end up messing up all my relationships in life because of misplaced priorities.
I lost those which meant much to me. I've created problems in those I have, by holding them too closely to myself. I've not been able to show Christ's love and hope to those whom I say I really love. I missed out on opportunities for ministry. Been unkind to people I choose to. Just when I'm beginning to think that, "hey life is still find w/o God, i can enjoy the company of friends and continue living life" problems arise that leave me perplexed and flustered. Then comes the question: "If I am still hoping that ALL things would turn out together for good, why do I still stubbornly go my own way and not submit my plans to Him and trust?" As in, if I don't "delight myself in God", but rather in other things in life, how can I expect Him to "give me the desires of my heart"? Perhaps I want the best of both worlds eh. But no one can serve two masters.

I wished I could say with faith, "Lord, give me that mountain". No, not specifically asking for God to give me something I want but rather for God to give me that mountain according to His will that will still satisfy me even tho I do not see it now. I need so much faith to see things beyond my emotions and beyond the things that mean so much to me now. Is the grass really greener on the other side of the hill? I really don't wanna give up hope leh. But I know that a fully surrendered life means submission of our whole will to God and it includes everything.


HA, I can't believe I actually let my emotions play such a big role in the decision I make these days. Its alway what I want to do, what I feel is right and all. Where has all the biblical standards I held on to before gone to. Aye, talking about that, I feel that these stuff really overshadow even promos that I am gonna take soon. To me promos really dun seem as important...