Haha, Zak's style of blogging is really childish. Lol. :D even tho it does make my blog abit more cheerful than it seems. But that way of blogging really no need to think. Just keep ranting randomly. And well, it doesnt suit my style. Cos, I'm, uh-um, more matured.. HAHA. (SORRY!)

Kinda figured out that I have about 1 week to my actual PW Oral presentation! Woots! And I'm seriously, totally unprepared? I need to memorise my script and face the mirror and practice 10hrs a day. Lol. AS IF. But well, I'll be glad its over soon cos after that there is really no more "restrictions" in my life to bound me from doing things I wanna do.

I've been doing well at training. Consistent and faithful. Haha. I'm serious when I said 1 month is all I need. After 1 week, things are getting better. I feel alot fitter and alot more disciplined. Yay. Training has been nice, enjoys the company alot. Well, longyi has been particularly nice and close to me. He's a nice, quiet and simple guy. And he is really quite loyal and a selfless friend. I enjoy talking to him and running with him. Kaiming is just loud and friendly and talkative. I've trained with him since the beginning of sec 1. Haha. I dun really look forward to trainings? But I take them as something I enjoy doing when I am set to do them.

Aye I really miss having close church friends. I'm not gonna emo about it. I'm past that. Haha (: But it really feels that a part of me is gone becos they are no longer a part of me now. Haha. I'll try moving on but its inevitable I'll feel this way. I havent poured out my heart for a very long time. Ohwell.

Now to the more serious stuff.

I dunno how or why but it just suddenly dawned upon me while on my way home today, that I really am not satisfied with life now. Well, I cannot say I'm disatisfied with life because I have so much in around me that I really should be happy and contented with. But something is quite lacking. I feel like the boy who clutches tightly his hands and refuses to receive the abundance that One desires to give him just because he deems that 5 cent coin in his palm to be so precious. Lets go back to the basics of a disciple: 1. Forsake his all 2. Take up his cross 3. Follow Him. All three exceptionally difficult to do, or reach from my point of view. I can't bear to forsake all- my lot, my pride, my ambitions perhaps even, my friends. Well of course not taken literally. But forsaking all meaning to be fully surrendered to the will of God in these areas. And I am certain I am not ready to do so- I want to be in control. Needless to say, take up my own cross of grief, burden, loneliness, pain seems like something I would never do cos I selfishly do not want to be uncomfortable. Well, I shant go on. I think people get what I mean. It'll take more than a man to change me now. Haha. It'll take a God who cares and mercifully waits for me to return and provides the grace and strength to do so. Right now, its still silence.

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord
And he delights in His ways
Tho he fall he shall not be utterly cast down
For the Lord upholds him with his hands.

So the question now is, whats the definition of a good man and whats a fall considered as? Give me the answers and I wait on this promise.