Thy wisdom, O Lord

Now I understand why they say even close friends cant be there for you all the time. And I really feel that the current perplexing dilemma that I am in, ought to point my focus to the Lord; or it could in the other direction conversely. But what my decision would be, determines my future in time to come; for "choices I make each day, determine if I'll obey.." Choices choices choices. Thy wisdom, O Lord !

I really really dunno how I found myself in such a difficult situation. Seriously, it just happened and I was very much caught unaware. Sigh. If I was walking uprightly in the Light, I know I wouldn't allow such things to happen and for me to compromise on my own convictions. It would be no from the very start. To think I could even imagine things could happen as such. Somehow it just feels so right. My emotions are very much in conflict with my spiritual being- one beckoning me to fight for my own rights and just do what feels good and pleases me; the other exhorting me to submit humbly to the will of God. I'm still rather shocked that I have allowed it to reach this stage that has the potential of affecting me so much emotionally. Perhaps God has a plan in it all- even in my disobedience.

Three options I could choose:

The first to rid of that thought and surrender my will to God in this matter.

Second, to continue keep at it and hope something would turn out just right.

Thirdly, reveal it all and risk having everything that's important to me.

I wish I could have a better grip of my emotions. I do not like being swayed easily by my emotions because they change as fast as the wind changes its direction. I'd like to be disciplined in my actions and firm in my convictions to make choices that I ought to make, willingly.

Interestingly, Jeffrey once told me that perhaps this day would come where my convictions would be challenged to see whether I'm doing something I really believe or just doing something cos I'm told to do so. I told him it would never come. I was wrong.

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I feel so much better now, so much more at peace after seeking the Lord. I hope things are settled at least for me. The key is submitting to Him and trusting Him to do whats best.