Today I read my bible. Haha. And God made me think about the life that I have been living.

No no no, tum-ba-lek. Lol. Today I started to think about the life that I have been living and God brought me back to the bible. Ahh.. Yes, thats the sequence of events. So I actually attempted to quieten down to do so. I'm abit more tamed these days because I am having quite a bad flu. So I havent had plans to do much these days. Which perhaps is a blessing in disguise.

Well, you may ask, "So what have you learnt from reading today?" Haha. Alot I guess. But its pointless if I reiterate everything here- unless I am able to practice what I preach. But the gist of what spoke to me was this, "Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 5:11) Fact is, we are already dead to sin and self when we died with Christ on that cross. But why do we continue to be ensnared by sin and become slaves to self in our lives? Hence God says reckon yourselves to be dead to sin ! Be alive to God- and how? Through Christ Jesus our Lord. Its interesting cos the pathetic-ness state that I have been in only can show me how wretched and weak I am in myself. So if life really changes it would demonstrate only the power of God that is available in embracing Jesus Christ. It continues to teach, "For just as you presented your members as slaves of uncleanness, and of lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves of righteousness for holiness. " The power for a renewed life indeed rests upon the Man, Christ Jesus. Yet the decision to yield to that power and consider oneself dead to himself and his sins is indeed personal. In summary, "I have [already] been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live but Christ lives in me" (Galatians 2:20) This is something I have been learning but sadly havent had the opportunity to put them to practice. I have also been reminded of the famous chapter 7 in Matthew about straight is the way and narrow is the gate that leads to life and few will find it and despise that I should take for granted the privileged of finding such a precious Way. God says the kingdom of heaven is liken to a man who finds a treasure and sells everything he has to purchase it. Such is the treasure that we have as Christians yet how little we are willing to give up in order to embrace it?

If people are keen to observe, I wouldnt be doing much this holidays. I can't help in cantata due to my family trip nor am I serving in childrens camp due to my commitment to training. Well, the real reason is really that I am really just not ready to serve. I know I can go through the motions and no one would suspect anything's wrong with me but I fear doing God's work in an irreverent manner and hindering His work in any way. On a more selfish note, I wanna get my life back in shape before doing anything. Perhaps from a very selfish view, I dislike responsibilities now. I very much rather be less committed to things and do things in an ad-hoc manner. But the priority for me isnt service yet- I have no bread and living waters to tap on! It is a renew fellowship with God Himself, that I wanna focus. the rest of the things shall come one step at a time.

I now realized how immature I was in rushing into many things before counting the cost. I would say things that I wouldnt actually do and expect a spiritual growth proportional to my "effort". In fact I feel I am not as spiritually ambitious as I was before, which can be both a good and a bad thing. Things may just be alot simpler this way.

I think my lifestyle and behavior must change. If you were to use 1 John 2:15-17 to examine my life right now I think I would be convicted of loving the world more than the Savior. I feel that I havent reach the maximum capacity that I can love my friends just yet. In fact because I am void of being filled by the love of God, I feel that my love for my dear ones have be rather superficial to a great extent. Meaning there is so great a potential for love and care if my life has been more surrendered to God. There wouldnt be conflicts, jealousies, impatience, possessiveness, etc if I learnt to love selflessly. Well, what I wanna say is things can only be better, seriously.

I'm gonna train hard this week. Twice a day right up till the weekends. Gonna be a little more focus considering the fact that I'm gonna be off for the first 3 weeks of December.