Hello.

There are many things that I once used to engage in that I have classified them under the non-essential stuff- and I guess blogging is one of them. I've been extremely busy the past 3 and half weeks. Well not busy perse but really life just goes on and on and on without me realising that it is flying past me. Things are different now I guess. I'm trying to read up and do my tutorials every night after I reach home from training. Thats a drastic improvement from what I used to do. Last year, after reaching home late, I stay on my comp until bedtime. This year computer has somewhat become a non-essential too I guess?

I've been sucked into the vicious cycle of things that I have become so numb to whatever is outside this cycle. Its like a continual striving to meet the objectives of the things in the cycle and nothing else beyond it matters. Things like studies, training, etc saps away whats left for me to do other things. And I dun really enjoy questioning the things I am doing now because, I really do not like change, believe it or not.

Beneath all the apparent short-lived pleasant experiences I face each day, lies a guilty exhausted and unregenerated self that surfaces every once in a while. Am I dissatisfied with life? Not really. Am I enjoying it? Well, not really too.

And I hate to return to the topic of relationships but the fact is I know that I am screwing up most of them with whatever attitude that I have towards them. I have been holding on so tightly to some that the rest of them which are not held on to seem to ebb away slowly and unknowingly. Some kinda disappear from 'existence' ha. Some appear once in a while and then goes away. And I know that if I lose whatever I 'believe' is mine right now, I am very much left with nothing. The fear of that drives me to grab and hold on to all thats left now. Aye.

I wish this inertia within me would go away. Sigh.

I'm just tired I guess. Battling two worlds and the pain that comes with it.